Been a Long Time, Long Time!!

Still hangin in there and trying stay with it. Its been really tough trying to stay healthy physically and spiritually. I've been back on the hill for awhile and still trying to keep my health problems in control. The bills were only just mounting up and my mental state was taking a huge dip. I've still hung in there with Our Father but it has been tough to. There are days I just want to give it all up (more like hours).

I'm working with a friend from K2 The Church doing eBay listings and just opened up my own eBay store, iAuction Depot, this week. Not much for sales yet, but I will continue to Pray that this will be what God wishes me to do. The work brings me joy while also trying my patience.

Tonight Romans 12:2 is working on me and I really need to bring it closer to me. Just not conforming to what is going on in this world is really tough, but hey living outside, I guess, is not conforming. Right?

Hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving and see you soon.

Tree63 Finally

During my many searches for new christian music to replace my old music I started to listen and respect Tree63 and on Sept 8th they will make an appearance here in Salt Lake. It has been a long time for a concert and I look forward to attending this one. I've even invited some of my old concert friends to attend this new way of music for me and hope it will elevate them into bringing God closer to them.

"Look What You've Done For Me"

Struggles Continue But God Smoothes It Out

Yea, the struggles continue and no one said it would be a bowl of cherries. The ups and downs of the depression can some time really take a toll on ones soul, heart, thinking, mental and physical capabilities. But yet I still haven't walked away from our Lord. Yea, I've had my doubts and feeling misled, but these were not from Him but only that ugly demon who continues to try us all at sometime or another.

The work with Frank and his eBay company has been great and I still continue on with it. He and his family have been very loving, caring and understanding individuals and I truly love them for this. This has been my longest job in over 5 years now and it is just awesome.

I will still try once again to keep this blog updated more along with my learning of our great LORD.

My video today is not music but one from K2 The Church and Andy Marshall who has really helped show me the right path and this video hits exactly what is going through my head. WORRY!

Still At It

Well it has been a long, long time since my last post and a ton has happened. I've been still working doing research and listings for a freight salvage company on eBay. This has kept me very busy for the last few months. I've also been having quite a battle with the diabetes, going in and out of the hospital with seizures about once a week for the past 2 months. God still continues to be my main stay in life. I'm working on a new website for Christians here in Utah to get together and enjoy outdoor recreation and share their views on Christ.The format will be similar to My Space, where individuals can share videos, audio and photos. It will also have blog capabilities.

A young kid at K2 The Church was featured in the Salt Lake Tribune. Andy is a awesome musician, and I foresee him going along ways with the God given talent. Here is a video of Andy.


Once again I will try to be more consistant at this blog.

The Battle

Yea, been a few weeks here of just fighting it out. No, that evil person isn't winning, it is, and always will be, Jesus! This battle of depression has gotten me down for a few days, but will not overcome the power of our Lord.

Back to James, this book is just awesome. The bible study I'm in wanted me to read straight through it, then go back for the studies. Well heck, I couldn't make it within 4 days. I kept on stopping and reflecting every couple of verses. Oh yea, it is powerful (or is it He is powerful).

This weekend is going to be great! Can you believe that this guy gave His blood for us?

I had a discussion last night with this girl who said, "Yea, I'm going to heaven because I've been good." When I explained to her how and why, she just was awed. She thanked me for bringing this to light and said, "Its time for me to get back with my friend." Oh YEA!

Have you hugged Jesus today?

It has been a couple weeks of NCAA basketball and everyone was yelling, clapping, raising there arms with great joy. Well, I was doing this, and our team kept on getting stronger. Every time we hit the floor, the opponent took off running for the door. Oh by the way, that photo is of Steele Croswhite, a real huge fan of the team.

Well its baseball time and last Sunday our Pastor, Dave, was just blessed with a real powerful hit. "Rock Bands and Rasin' Hands" just made everyone want to get up a yell for their favorite. This lady setting a couple of seats over, just reached over and grabbed and said, "Woooo, this is just awesome!" It was her first time at K2 and I'm sure she'll be back with others.

Well haven't gave out a tune for awhile so here it goes. It goes out to a real tough player in the Word. Mike, just came out of surgery yesterday from a ripped Achilles tendon. Yea, he's not the real singer here, but they really did a great job of putting this video together. YouTube's download leaves some to desire, because of the sync, but David Crowder thought it was good enough to put it up during one of their gigs on the big screen.



Huge Detroit Tiger Fan letting everyone know who the real coach is. (Dave, K2 pastor)

Still Working At It

Yea, its been a while since my last post and it has been a tough one. I've really been battling depression the last few days and today was one of the few that I could actually crawl out of bed. The last few days I've just been sleeping. Last night I made it out for a bible study that I began on the book of James. This in itself was God's way of re-establishing himself into the light and it made me feel better.

Since moving from the streets my life has been on a fast and rapid pace, which I'm not use to. It really was such a shock to my system. The first few weeks was like riding on a cloud then it burst and all things came tumbling down around me. The responsablities and trying to adjust to life of having a roof over my head started to present challenges I wasn't ready to handle, but today I've begun to struggle forward and most importantly getting back to God and not just doing the old pitty party routine.

I'll be working on journaling more here and hope to hear more from everyone out there.

The Faith and Love

Well some good news earlier about our friend Micha. He has been extended his stay with us all, and a new liver is on its way for a transplant late last night. It really goes to show us all that through strong faith and prayer that miracles do happen.

I got a few photos recently of the Valentines dinner that was served for the homeless women here in Salt Lake City. It sure was great to see the smiles on the 30 plus women that night and for the prayers that were given. It was an awesome evening.

Grace With Confusion

Well yea, I'm running around and still confused. Not homeless anymore just a whole different life. Not use ta the people coming up and say "Hi". Oh well just Love It.

I went to what they call the "Crash Course" (Crash=Rhinoceros) it's going to be fast and furious. The fire has just got a flicker of what will BE! Hey, He is Great and those of us who serve Him have only just begun. I can't imagine what will happen in the next few weeks.

Have you ever just imagined like the old school of John Lennon?

Hey, that was good, but did he ever realize what the imagination was all about?

I'm not trying to tell you all that it's just peaches and cream, or a bowl of cherries.

No!

But this cool wave is just rolling and I pray that those on the street tonight will remain warm and nourished by through the works of God.

Just got an email from a house of God I once attended, and a friend name Micha is not doing well. You see, he had a organ transplant just about a year ago and, well, he has really touched many people out here, including me. Please pray for our brother Micah.

The email.


Dear Saints,

This email comes with a heavy heart. It's about 3 PM on Friday and Jeanne McInroy just sent this to me concerning our dear friend Micah Coleman -- a friend and member of The Rock Church for years -- who underwent a liver transplant a little over a year ago. As you may know, he has been in and out of the hospital since that time. He's not doing well. His faith may become sight today.

From Jeanne:
"Please pray...I just got a phone call informing me that our dear Micah's lungs are filling with fluid faster than the doctors can pump it out. He has only hours, if not just minutes, left to live. Pray for peace and comfort for Micah as God takes him home. Pray also for Becky, Micah's mom, and his grandfather, that they would feel the arms of the Almighty envelop them as they say good-bye to their precious son and grandson."

Even if you don't know Micah, you need to see a bit of his heart and love for God. I found this post from Micah on his blog dated Jan 4, 2007 (MicahC4JC.blogspot.com):

============

The cool thing about all of this unknown when it comes to numbers, and strength, and transplant concerns. I still know that God is in control of it all. Some might be quick to think that God doesn't care, or he should have fixed it by now. But God has not abandoned me, He is not slow. If the miracle comes to fast I might not recognize it, if it comes to quick I might not appreciate it. Is that the reason behind all this time and sand? The promise land is just ahead, around the next corner. If I give up the fight now I and turn bitter and turn on God because it the easy thing, I might never see how close I really was from being out this. Two weeks turns into 40 years.

Job 1:20-22
“At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said: “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I shall depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.” In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.”

All things work together for God’s glory!

As for me and my house: “We will serve the LORD our God and obey Him.”

============

Amen! Please pray.

Sincerely,

Bill



As it says in Psalm 145:3-5 "Great is the Lord! He is most worthy of praise. No one can measure his greatness. Let each generation tell its children of your mighty acts; let them proclaim your power. I will meditate on your majestic glorious spender and your wonderful miracles." He is just Matchless.

The confusion will always be there, but the love I now feel is just so great.

Taking It To The Streets

It has been tough trying to log in to my blogger account for the last 2 days. I finally was able to get on by posting a comment to the blog. Go figure.

The last 2 weeks I've been noticing a real move towards compassionate projects for the homeless within K2 The Church. Not that they were already working on bringing the work of God to them before, but just a more visable effort going on. On Sunday the message was "Taking It To The Streets" and was set up like a David Letterman show, where compassionate project participents were interviewed and they discussed their missions.

K2 has been working in Russia with orphans, the Honduras' on housing, New Orleans rebuilding, with the "Dream Center" a very diversified mission to the refugees here in Salt Lake City from many countries, and of course with the homeless and needy locally. The new term for this is thinking and working "Glocally".

I'll be working of course here on the streets trying to make more people aware of homelessness and how to approach them and work with them. An important part of this will be making members aware of the homeless resources available and where they can help out at and take the work of Jesus.

Tonight there is a meeting at K2 concerning on going projects such as working with the local Rescue Mission, the Sunday meals at the park, and other vital missions and projects that we would like to develop. I'll be presenting an opportunity for members to tour the facilities and resources available to the homeless. Most of these resources are within a 4 block area of the main shelter "The Road Home", and I pray that we can all work together to develop a tour of these facilities all on one Saturday.

I really noticed a need for this during the Superbowl meal we served at the park. Many of the volunteers didn't have much knowledge of where to send people or where they went after the meal. A couple even had real crash courses about homeless people while trying to help out. There are just so many areas in which individuals can volunteer while bringing the work of Jesus to the homeless.

Yea, it's just like the old Doobie Brothers tune "Taking It To The Street", and that is exactly what we plan on doing. This is the start of an opportunity to share my recent love of Jesus and how He has changed my life. The fruit that I bear may be still somewhat green but I do feel that it can be nourishing to those who are still wandering around without purpose.

Sunday night was to be the night to change the subtitle to this blog, but not able to log in, it has remained the same until this morning. I would like to thank everyone for their suggestions and hope you all like the one that was chosen.

Yep, it's time for music once again and today's is kinda special, due to the fact this video contains members of K2 and many who have been instrumental in my new life with purpose. I found it, of course where else, on YouTube.com and was impressed with their work. The song "You are My Joy" is from David Crowder. The video was shot near the Great Salt Lake and many of those appearing play at K2 on Sundays.

The Gift Of Sight

On Thursday night I had the opportunity to share with the Salt Lake City Lions Club on how they were an integral part of my new life. Back in November I was a recipient of a new pair of glasses and a much clearer view of the world around me.

It was an honor to share my story along with briefly mentioning how God has been the main factor in this new life, along with much brighter and clearer vision. I had actually found out that the "Give the Gift Of Sight" program actually donates over 150 thousands glasses a year and over 300 are given out at the shop where received mine. They also donate thousands of used glasses to third world countries. Without these glasses I would have a tough time working on the computer for endless hours. I will pray that this program will continue on and if you have old glasses please donate them to your local Lions Club or a monetary donation will also help others to have good vision.

Yea that's right I'm now working at home and thanks to the Lord for hooking me up with a used computer through a donation. It took a couple of days to get it setup but it was well worth the wait. I've never owned my own computer, this is just so awesome and it would never had happened without faith and trust in God to provide for my needs.

The subtitle to this blog will be changing on Sunday evening so I'm asking again if you have any suggestions please leave them in the comments section or email them to me.

No music today due to no headset to listen, but plan on finding music back here after the weekend.

A Homeless Valentine

Yesterday was a day of Love, Valentines Day, and we were able to share the love of Jesus with nearly 30 ladies from the shelter. Bonnie S. a member of K2 The Church came up with the plan of serving these ladies with a meal and love about a week ago. She had no idea where any of the items needed for this mission would materialize, and through prayer and faith a lovely evening was had.

Many members from K2 gathered at a local resturant, Big City Soup, which donated their services and dining area for the evening, to decorate and prepare a meal. Clothing was brought in, hygene products, pampering products and of course Bibles by the piles. At 7:45 approx. 10 women and 10 men walked a block to escort to their Valentines Day date with the Lord.

It was just so awesome to see their faces light up as we walked in. Many of the women had put on their best (many dresses and suits were donated earlier this week) for their date. There was a gentleman, Gibb, who really caught their attention, and one lady spoke up quickly and stated, "Oh yea I want him to be my escort tonight". As we all became aquainted with eachother while waiting for all of the ladies to show up, you could just see how Jesus was working to calm their nervousness about this night.

We escorted the ladies to the meal, some grabbing ahold of arms of the men available and some wishing just to walk with another lady or maybe even alone. You could just feel their excitement vibrating. They were all seated with other ladies from K2 where endless converstion and love was shared as this was a night for all of the ladies to be loved by Jesus.

Many prayers were said, trust and faith was built up and the Love of Jesus could be felt throughout the night. Tears were shed, smiles grew bigger, and the calmness of Love spread into the air.

As the night came to an end some were reluctant to leave this awesome time, but you could see that Jesus had truly touched many and that His Love was throughly enjoyed. I hope to share some photos of this great event within the next couple of days.

This is the start of many projects that will be happening for the Salt Lake City homeless population. We all are looking forward to helping spread the word of Christ and I for one am excited to see some of these needy people walk into the light of Jesus.

Yea, I've begun to settle into my new diggs, what a change from the homeless lifestyle this is. I can now wake up a jump in the shower while hot coffee is brewing. It is just AWESOME! We nearly have my office setup for my work and today most likely will be the last time I post from here at the UofU library. The U has been very instrumental in my advancement with my new life and I'm very grateful for the use of their library and other facilities which made my life on the streets bearable.

Today I've picked out a song from TobyMac, a christian rap artist, "Burn For You" is really explaining what has begun to be a wonderful journey. You see, I'm a brand new man, and I do want the world to know that I burn for HIM!

This video has all of the words to this song and I hope that it grabs you as much as it has me.



Oh yea, I'm looking for a new subtitle for this blog and if you have any ideas please leave me an email or comment. This journey is only just beginning and I hope to continue sharing it with any and all who come here.

The Last Day

Well a today is the last day that I'll trudge up the hill being homeless. Thanks to the many people who prayed and carry out the work of our Lord I'm moving into a home today.

Hallelujah

I took a few last photos as I walked away with my Detroit Tiger hat on! Yea it will be a real emotional day today. I've got many things to do, like go get a bed!

I'll write more later tomorrow, just have ton to do today.

Love ya Lord!!!

A Low & Old National Homeless Count

This past Friday the National Alliance to End Homelessness (NAEH)released some homeless counts that were from 2005. This is the first national count in more than a decade and yet it still lacks in an accurate count of those of us who live on the street.

I had noticed that the count for here in Utah was at 2,104, which is far below the states average of over 3,800 homeless people.

NAEH also stated that the Bush administration is to develop 150,000 units of housing for people who have been homeless for a long period. This is actually an embarrassment to a country who's wealth is at the top of all throughout the world, and when Veterans of the Iraq war are coming back to find that they to among the homeless. What a shame.

When these counts were done, I'm sure that many of us who were living on the streets were totally ignored. I for one have yet to see or hear anyone ask about a homeless count. The fact is here in Salt Lake City where a few of us camp out, even the local programs fail to acknowledge or come to aid the few camped among the hills.

Yea, the US House of Representatives recently passed a bill to spend $115 million for HUD's homeless assistance grants program. This is paltry compared to the war chest that is being spent and at a time when the oil industry seen there hugest profits.

NAEH stated that the shortage of affordable housing is the main culprit of many people being homeless. Well, I can attest to that, along with once you actually find a source to help get you in a home, the doors are slammed in your face.

I'm still praying that many will get to move in off the streets during this year,and yea I hope to be one soon. I'll also pledge to do my best at working as a advocate by letter writing and speaking to many of the political people who can make a difference.

The homeless numbers reported by NAEH are extremely low and the dollars spent to end the homelessness are a drop in the bucket for this very wealthy country.

Could It Be!

My hopes and dreams for a roof over my head have been a real roller coaster ride for the past couple of weeks. The struggle of trying to convince landlords that I'm worth the risk to rent to was a real challenge and one I pray that I'll never face again.

Will the sub-title of this blog be changed forever in just a few days?

I met with the a person today who attends the same church as I, and it looks real promising. He wants his roommate and I to meet each other just to see if we'll be compatible, but I do feel that the chase for a home is done for at least a few months. This couldn't come at a better time, just when I'm preparing to start working on some type of ministry for the homeless.

During the past few months I've been fed, given drink, clothing, warmth and nursed to health. Those that have seen to my needs during this time must always know that by doing this they were actually do this to Jesus. Just as it says in Matthew 25:35-40 those that have prayed and helped are truly the blessed.

What a great life this is and it is only getting better by the minutes. Three years ago or even just 4 months ago I would have told you that it wasn't possible and that I was destined to just blow away with the dust. Today I can tell you miracles do happen, love is really out there, hope is standing right next to you, and this glorious feeling is just so awesome.

Each day as I learn more of how to live this life as Jesus would, I look forward to sharing it with others. Tonight I ask that you pray for all of those throughout the world that are in need of housing, food, medical, water, clothing or love, that their needs will be met. I also challenge you to go out a become familiar with the homeless needs and to show some compassion by befriending someone in need.

A song from Chris Tomlin just says it all for me tonight.

Awesome Is The LORD Most High!

Another Homeless Struggle

Well, no home yet. It seems that having no rental history for the last three years is slamming the doors on me, and the market here is very demanding.

On Valentines Day I've been ask to help serve a dinner for the ladies who are staying a the shelter. It'll be great to share God on this night and I hope the women will enjoy the meal and love that will be shared with them. I'll also be speaking on Thursday night at a local Lions Club dinner, about their Gift of Sight program. It will be an honor to share with them how much the new eye sight has changed my life and other also.

I do have a possible place to move to this weekend. A guy has just came back from a mission in Russia and he emailed me a couple days ago stating that it may be possible to move into his basement for a few months. I'll be contacting him later on today and pray that this maybe a new place to rest my head.

Today I'm listening to Switchfoot and believing that salvation is here and that I no longer need to run from this life but just embrace it along with Jesus.

A Dark Cloudy Homeless Day

Just when I felt that the light was really going to shine today, it was covered with dark clouds and I still remain homeless.

The apartment property manager I was to meet today at 11 a.m. never showed or answered his phone. He had stated that even with poor credit and no rental history all I needed to do was show him how serious I was. Well after 45 minutes of waiting and a dozen phone calls, I had to abandon that hope once again.

Grabbed the phone and went to work on the search again, after a dozen or so calls, I found another possibility. The girl stated once again they needed an application fee. I bussed out to pick up an advance from the person I work for and his wife took me to the apartment for the viewing. Well, the place was alright, needed some cleaning, but when I asked how soon after putting the application in would I be able to move in. She had told me all they needed to do was verify employment. The girl said it would be a week or so before they would go through the applications. Yep, been there done that to the tune of $60, this time the $20 stayed in my pocket.

Laura and I got busy on the phone once again and after several calls, set an appointment for tomorrow morning.

Yea, I'm still gratefull for Jesus and all He does, but today He sure blocked the light out and things are a bit cloudy. He will still remain my "Strong Tower" just as Kutless sings it.

Social Actions.....Who Cares?

Just got this off of YouTube.com. Pastor Andy just rocks at K2 The Church, and God delivers a great message through him each time he speaks.

Watching Over Us

Yea, it's been a real tough time trying to end the homelessness I've experienced. After umpteen applications, many bus rides, who knows how many blocks walking, being told, "Well, I chose another person today", "I won't rent to your kind", or "where have you been for the last 3 years?", I believe that today is the day. He has been letting me know that it will become true today!

What? Moving off the hill will actually be a heart felt moment. You see after close to 4 years, that hill has become very close to me, and today it may just be part of my past.

As I bow down before Him I ask that you, keep up the prayers throughout this day, I have a feeling they will be answered.

Oh yea! God is watching over US!

The Homeless Sense

What is sense to the homeless person? Is it just trying to survive? Or, is it just trying to be? Maybe it could be just trying to be accepted? Some never figure it out, many just never get it. I really hope and pray that many will. Some times I'm not sure if I do.

Yea, it's another day of, well, can I say I really don't know, but I can't live on without the hope and love of Him.

Sense is believing, hoping, loving, just grabbing ahold and saying I love you Jesus. You see, Jesus is the one I love, but yet sometimes it doesn't really make sense.

I keep trying and trying, but many things feel like the desert is really running dry.

Am I to stay on these streets for the rest of living life here on earth?

Many people are praying for me throughout the world, just as I do for them each day. It really seems like though God has a purpose for me without a home.

Hey! I'm not saying I'm giving up. I'm just trying to figure out where I'm really at, and why this is happening. It just doesn't make sense sometimes.

Yea, no home today and here in this valley it just gets tougher each day battling for a home.

Ah, what the heck I'll go back out tomorrow and just struggle on, trying to find a home.

I love you Jesus! Thank you for your LOVE.

Tonight I could go back to where I once was, but this is just to good to leave. Yesterday it was great seeing and sharing with Angel, David, Leprechaun, Treena, Steve, Bobbie Brown, and many others. I shared with them the love and the truth of this new life and yet I'm not sure weather I really understand it, but tonight I pray that each one of those I seen will be touched by Him.

Sometime I will look back and it will all make sense, but today I must go on with what He has designed for me. It may be staying homeless and just passing on His word, I'm not sure. What ever it is I still love you Jesus!

All right the music today, well, it could be just no beat at all, but yet, it's the beat of Jesus' feet right next to me, and its "Day by Day".

A Super Day

Yesterday was a super day, and I'm not talking about the Superbowl. I had a chance to discuss my housing with Pastor Andy and others at K2 The Church and fully have faith that God will present me with housing within just a couple of days. That wasn't the greatest thing that happened though.

At K2 The Church we were going to have a Superbowl party and watch it on the big screen, but God had another purpose in mind for the party. The NFL announced that they were going to come down on churches and other organization who showed the game on big screens and threatened with penalties. So, the food that was being catered in along with a huge support crew went to Pioneer Park and set up tents and presented the homeless and needy with a great catered meal. It was great to see many of my acquaintances and many came up to me wondering what was going on with me, because I was looking so bright and cheerful. So, I had many chances to share with them my new found love for Jesus and invited them to come and see for their self how great life can be.

It was just a super day to see the compassion that was being shared with everyone at the park. Clothes were given out, bibles handed out, caring conversation, unselfish love and care given, some even went to homes for the game, and there were many prayers said.

Many of those who came out to help were asking what do we do when the food runs out, I just stated, "He will provide". We ended up having food left over to give away for many to take with them. Now I pray that those who never witnessed this great type of mission that it touched their hearts and the needy will see more of them.

My work is going great, my health becoming more stable (mentally and physically), and my love for Jesus is just growing stronger my the minute.

This early morning I'm so grateful that on November 11th I said a prayer and told Him that I'm all His. Each day is so much better than before even my worst day doesn't compare to some of my best days before. This is not a life of partial giving, but just stomping on the gas to full throttle giving of my life to Jesus.

Today I'm rocking out with Jeremy Camp's "Take My Life".

Believing In Me

The smile is back on even though things haven't changed, except for my deepened love for Jesus. Yea, I thank Him for believing in me.

Last Friday I had a real experience that I didn't share. I was walking to grab the train carrying my bible when 2 young men walked by and said something. On this day I was in a very frustrated mood and wasn't being to receptive of others, but I did turn and ask what they had said. They both turned and came back towards me while threatening me stating, "We're going to kick your A**, you bible beater.", among other things. When I had grab control of my temper, (I really wanted to just jump into their faces.) I told them that I wouldn't beat on my bible that was why I was carrying it, because I didn't want it to get scarred up in my pack. I also stated how I was living on the streets and explained how the Lord has helped renew my life and hope. They were in shock and really didn't know what to say. That is where I left them, while praying that maybe the seed I just planted will grow and not blow away.

Wow, how could I forget to tell someone about a incident such as that. The thought here is, even when I was at one of my lowest during my new life, God was still doing great work through me. He never gave up and didn't sit and dwell on my past, He took hold and let the words spill from me without no fear. Yea its cool and I do thank Him for believing in me.

I will be pounding away today on the housing issue with over a dozen calls to make today and a ton of prayers supporting me. Life hasn't gotten any easier, it just became more loving, with better choices.

So as I walk through this day I look back on Friday and all of the days since the change in my life and I'm going to "Shine", just as the song from NewsBoys. I want everyone to wonder why I can still smile and I'm prepared to let them know if they so ask.

The Walk

Well the weather hasn't improved, it's still hard to see anything here in the valley due to the inversion and pollution. It really reminds me of what is going on in my life, all of the fog making hard to see the clear path. But today I walk with Jesus and feel His presence even when things look like they're not improving. Even during this tough time I still can smile, but only when I put the word to my lips and just savor the life that will be after the short stay here on earth.

I'm headed out to do some more apartment hunting, it has been a real tough time. I have an address that is associated with the homeless and many landlords just look at me in dismay and state that they are either full or I can put in an application and see what happens. Well, many of these applications are most likely, thrown in the old file 13.

I have a lot of work to get done today so off I go while I whistle "I Can Only Imagine" sung by MercyMe.

The Roller Coaster

Its been a tough week and everything doesn't seem to be getting any better. My basket of problems only seems to be getting bigger since trying to leave the streets. On Monday evening I had another seizure, putting me in the hospital for a one night stand. I then missed the appointment for a chance at an apartment the next morning and it was rented out. Topping out the basket is the cold and dreary weather here lately.

Since starting this journey I've enjoyed some really high moments and things seemed to be getting better, but today it is taking many sharp drops and corners that has been really putting the pain in me and my body.

I had a chance to talk with a few who have been guiding me onto the right path and was somewhat bewilder by the things I seen. One person was thinking about wanting to make more money and jump ship from a job that supports him well and he enjoys. Another seemed concerned about the money they were spending on an adoption process, and still another (me) was only thinking about the money period.

What is up with everyone and money?

Since I've been sick and trying to work my new job I only have seemed to go backwards. The money I do make barely covers for the food and some of the medical supplies and I don't even have rent or utilities to pay. I have really started to look back and believe that before this all started I may have been better off.

You may ask yourself, "Is he going to give up?", and I will answer, "NO WAY!"

You see I prayed for those today that I had talked with and hoped they may find other things to think about other than trying to make that pile of money bigger for retirement. I also prayed that all of the small aches and pains I may be suffering may end soon and that I'll be in a warm place to stay soon.


I must admit it has been tough and tonight many questions arose, but I will continue to struggle on.

I've been normally working late at night so I could stay inside the library to keep warm and more comfortable, but tonight I chose to get back to working on my new life with Jesus. Tonight I'm taking that walk with Jesus and trying to imagine Him setting and walking right next to me.

Yea, I'm a little upset about the roller coaster ride but I'm estatic about what it will produce in the long run.

So "Rescue" me Jesus.

Enduring The New Foundation

It's another cold day here (7 degrees F), but I've continued to stay warm with the sleeping bag and comfortable knowing that our Lord is in my heart.

I've been stating that I have felt like God has been testing me, but someone wrote to me yesterday stating that this may not be true, so last night while trying to view the stars through the polluted haze we have I reflected on what has been going on. Today that reflection took me to a couple of readings that has given me more hope that I'm actually strengthening my relationship with God.

My first thought was that I've been starting to build a foundation for a better life, but I have been leaving out important steps. Using a construction analogy, I started by putting in the rebar for reinforcement of the foundation by being faithful in prayer for others and myself, and by reading daily from the Bible or other spiritual related studies. After starting the foundation properly I neglected to set the foundation up properly by not following through with placing the forms for the concrete before allowing Him to pour the concrete. In other words skipping a vital part called serving and giving, or in construction content not placing the forms and allowing the concrete to flow out in all directions except for where it needed to be. I'm grateful that He has been patient with me during these vital stages of building my foundation and the book of Luke came into mind.

Luke 6:47-49 "47 I will show you what it's like when someone comes to me, listens to my teaching, and then follws it. 48 It is like a person building a house who digs deep and lays the foundation on solid rock. When the flood waters rise and break aganinst the house, it stands firm because it is well built. 49 But anyone who hears and doesn't obey is like a person who builds a house without a foundation. When the floods sweep down against that house, it will collapse into a heap of ruins." (NLT)

Essentially God is allowing me to go back and follow through with the proper steps in putting my foundation on great ground and to build the forms up so He may pour out the needed wisdom for His will in my life.

I also feel that this is an important time in developing character for my new life as is pointed out in Romans 4:1-5

"1 Therefore, since we have been made right in God's sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. 2 Because your faith, christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God's glory. 3 We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. 4 And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. 5 And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love."

I do feel that He is working on my character and I can notice the changes even some that may be subtle. I really need to be patient and work on building a strong foundation and to start learning from His teachings in my new life experiences, so that I may better be able to serve Him.

I sure hope this makes sence, the thoughts and words seem to be somewhat jumbled, but I know that God is understanding.

Another Issue to Deal With

I got to stay inside for the last couple of nights, but not due to my choice. On Tuesday I was feeling very disoriented while trudging down the hill. I believed I needed to eat so I stopped at the Heritage Center dorms for a bite at the cafeteria. I didn't make it up the stairs in fact I don't even remember going into the building. I understand after talking to some of the kids today that many had thought I was drunk. Man I haven't had a drink in over 2 months. I went down clobbering my head on the steps and smacking my right shoulder hard. They called an ambulance to haul me the 2 block distance to the hospital. I spent most of the day trying to figure out what was going on and they kept me under surveillance, especially after they found no alcohol or illegal substances in my system. They ran tests Wednesday and have found out that I have diabetes. What a shocker it doesn't even run in my family.

I was very fortunate that the fall didn't do worse damage than just the bruised ego and a real sore shoulder, not to mention the headache for 2 days. The new issue of having to deal with diabetes is a real tough slap for me. I surely wasn't expecting this and really don't want to deal with it.

I was told that the depression and dizzy spells I had been experiencing were symptoms that I should have been more alarmed about. I just felt they were due to my poor eating habits and not sleeping in the best conditions.

Now my biggest problems is finding out if I still have a job. During all of the happenings my small pack with all of the important papers, wallet, day planner, phone and other items was misplaced and it took me the whole day today to find out the police had them. They were the first I contacted after finding out the hospital or cafeteria didn't have them, but I was told the they were not in possession of them either. Well, at about 4pm they called and said they had located them and I could come and pick it up. Now throughout all this time I had no number to call my employer , but have since left messages for him. Man I pray that I don't lose one on the things that is actually going right at this time in my life.

How is this effecting my life with God?

Well I must admit it really has put a hurt on me. I just can't understand why He has been testing me so much and mentally it has been taking a toll. Tonight my thoughts wander and I feel as though I'm taking huge leaps backwards instead of going forward like I thought I was.

My housing still remains the same and no messages concerning it were left during the time away from the phone, in fact only my employer was the single message. A couple of times in the past I was offered housing after asking but after doing the footwork it never materialized. This time I didn't ask for the offer but I feel once again that its going down the tube. How can many of us keep up the hope after past experiences like these?

As I pull out the Bible tonight I'm not sure where to go and find the words that He wants to convey to me. I know that He is sending me a message but What? Where? and How? I went on a search for music video from Steele Croswhite who has been instrumental in bringing me to Christian music. Steele is a a leader at The Rock Church who meets every Saturday night in the same building as K2 The Church and his music has always touched me. After finding the video "Matchless" it brought me to Psalms and I read a few chapters but Psalm 146 touched me the most at a time in need.

Psalm 146: 5-10
"5: But joyful are those who have the God of Israel as their helper, whose hope is in the Lord their God. 6: He made heaven and earth, the sea and everything in them. He keeps every promise forever. 7: He gives justice to the oppressed and food to the hungry. The Lord frees the prisoners. 8: The Lord opens the eyes of the blind. The Lord lifts up those who are weighed down. The Lord loves the godly. 9: The Lord protects the foreigners among us. He cares for the orphans and widows, but he frustrates the plans of the wicked. 10: The Lord will reign forever. He will be your God, O Jerusalem throughout the generations. Praise the Lord!"

Once again I thank you Lord for bringing me back into the light and even during these trying times I can't allow that evil demon to infiltrate my thinking and that you are the Greatest! If it wasn't for your grace Lord only you would have known where I'd be at this time. You see I've been that prisoner, the hungry, oppressed and trying to lug the huge mountain on my shoulders all alone and now I no longer need to carry these burdens alone. It may be a tough night tonight but tomorrow I'll begin with the ever important prayer and then start dialing the brothers and sisters I've come to know through you to help me find the answers to the questions I have.

Tonight I'm thankful for this blog, because writing here helps me to understand where I'm at with God. And tonight it took me to the right pages in the Bible.

Does this mean all is well tonight? No, but I do feel more comfortable knowing that He hasn't forgotten me, and I haven't Him.

Tearing It Down To Rebuild

Miracles happened through Jesus on the Sabbath and continues to do so. Today at K2 The Church, while everyone was singing, a message was given to me from our Almighty Lord. You see, during the past week I have been somewhat trouble about what has be going on in my life and today He told me that I'm going through some pain of being torn down so I may be rebuilt for the purpose He has brought me here on earth for. As I shared this with other members from the church, I also learned that even after spiritual growth this still occurs, which is all new to me.

This,I feel, is a blessing to see that even when I thought I wasn't maturing any, that God was actually still working on me. He hadn't just taken a few days off, but was trying to tear away the corrupt way of my past life to make way for this new journey. The pain I felt in the past few days is something that I would have normally masked through the use of alcohol, but not so today, thanks to Him.

The message He sent me today was not the only thing that happened today. My new work will require me to get a computer, which I've been praying for. I spoke to Pastor Andy before the services and was informed he was already working on it. Between the 9am service and 10:45 service I was talking to a person I met during Christmas dinner and mentioned that I was praying for and looking for a computer. Kevin then stated he had just bought a new PC and that I was welcome to have his older one. Wow, another prayer answered and I hadn't even made it out of the church yet.

Today's message at church was "iWant", part 2 of the iLife series, and it dealt with how we all want stuff out of life, rather than giving back to life. The ideal of wanting actually makes us feel more independent when we get it, but giving makes us more like God. We all want to make an investment for our future, when giving is actually an investment for our future through eternity. Many of us want that treasure at the end of the rainbow, but our treasure is actually where our heart is.

Where is your heart today?

Our nation is rich and many through money, some of the less fortunate are very rich also, through their heart. No matter which we are, we can all be blessed by the greatest of all treasures through giving and sharing with others. (1 Timothy 6:17-19)

Something interesting I learned today:
$8 will buy 2 cups of coffee here in the US and in the Honduras it will buy 25 fruit trees.

$73 will buy 6 CD's in the US and in Uganda it will pay for a mobile AIDS clinic.

We are truly blessed here in the US but yet many still want more and have forgotten that it is by giving that we acquire more love from God and the true treasure of eternity.

Today when I awoke it was -2 degrees where I'm camping, but yet I was warm due to the fact of the warm sleeping bag I was blessed with over the holidays. I hope to be off the streets in a few days and pray that last night will be the last cold, frigid night I spend on the hillside. In return I also pray that all through out the world, those who are in similar circumstances find warm clothing, food, sleeping items and or housing along with the warmth of God.

Turning my life over was the greatest thing I've ever done. It's not been easy and the "stuff" not many, but the treasures I've received is just awesome and I feel truly rich in spirit, warm at heart and loved by our Lord.

I've really been blessed and thankful that He has taken me back and the song "Take You Back" from Jeremy Camp fills the words in for what has went on in my life and what is going on now.

Life's Expectations

K2 The Church just posted their video from the Christmas eve services and I just had to share this with you all. You see, K2 The Church is growing fast in a place where another religion flourishes and for this to happen is such a miracle. Watching this message again after seeing the service 4 times during Christmas eve still touches me.

The first part of all services has a drama, but normally not as long and special as this one. Pastor Andy plays the ESPN announcer Dan Jackson and most of us didn't even recognize him with his hair combed. Pastor Dave had experience at ringing the bell for the Salvation Army and this is where the theme came from. The message of "All I Want For Christmas Is A Miracle" really fits in well, and today it gave me more hope and direction of how God expects me to be.

During the service everyone received a gift and all but one of them had a nickle in them, the one without contained a new iPod. This also fit the message well. Many of us have little expectations of what God can and will do and the last few days I was starting to get on this band wagon. Well, tonight I'm back at working for and expecting the miracles God can give us. I don't expect this all of the time but at least I have the hope that miracles can happen when He wants them to.

I don't want to drag this out so here is the video, I hope you enjoy it as much as many did at the service.

Vision With Action

Things are starting to level out now, with my housing starting to take place by the first of next week, my day planner back in my possession, and a new job to start possibly tomorrow. Whew, there for a while I was beginning to think that it wasn't going to level out and I was to just keep plummeting into depths unknown. Now its time for me to put more action into my vision of helping others become happy through Jesus.

The new employment opportunity will give me a chance to work at something I enjoy and that is working on the Internet. I'll be researching and placing items on eBay for a local business. Yea, I love the challenge. Just as the Teacher, King David's son stated in Ecclesiastes 3:22 "So I saw that there is nothing better for people than to be happy in their work. That is why we are here! No one will bring us back from death to enjoy life after we die."

The past couple of weeks were tough on me but I believe He now sees that I'm not going to give up and that I truly trust Him with all of my life. It is just so neat to be able to have freedom from the past, freedom to live on in a better life and freedom to reflect His glory. I realize that I'm starting to mature some and that with it comes growing pains that I need to learn how to live with. Even through the tough times the light has become brighter and the journey more enjoyable.

Before I always had an out when things were tough by hiding in the bottles of alcohol, but today I must face these fears, faults, and failures, but I can do so knowing that He is there to show support and strength. So many of us in this world have been on the quick fix method, with instant gratification. God was patient with me, now I need to be patient with Him and learn how to become the servant leader he would love to see. I really yearn to make Him proud.

PBPGINFWMY "Please Be Patient, God Is Not Finished With Me Yet." is from The Purpose Driven Life that actually was on a button that people wore in the past.

Chris Tomlin's song "Wonderful Maker" puts the words right for me today.

The Blame

Well its been a real testing 2 weeks with not much to really get to excited about. Today in fact was a day of real questioning of where I'm going and why. On Tuesday I attended a prayer meeting at K2 The Church and after talking with others and asking for prayer for my housing many offered places for employment. Yea, I thought the stalemate was over and that my progression was going to start back-up. I called one job possibility and was told that he would call back with a time for my training to start. I had also found out that Pastor Andy was at a retreat and would return later that day. I had decided to try and get into housing at the dorms that are available and was hoping that this could be possible before this new cold spell hit. Well, I'm still awaiting call backs after leaving several messages and emails with Andy and the leads on employment seems to going nowhere at this time. I still haven't been able to get an ID or social security card either.

I keep blaming myself for the lack of any real advancement of my current life and begin to wonder if the my past is actually effecting what is going on today in my life. You see its been hard for me to forgive myself of the past and I know that this is a burden on me and is hurting and insulting Jesus. So today I was in a real down mood trying to concentrate was extermely hard for me because I kept asking Jesus what I needed to do and why this was happening. My stomach has just been churning to pieces and now my worrying has grown to its max. I want to succeed so much for Jesus but I'm just feeling like I'm letting Him down.

Wow a phone call.....Good news my day planner has been found, but without the money. Someone had left it at a business entrance sometime last week and they just contacted me. This is one step back into the light. I'll now be able to get my mail tomorrow and work on trying to find employment once again. YIPPEEE, this could not have happened at a better time. Whew, it sure takes a load off of my mind and I'll never second guess Him again.

I guess I can still blame myself for what is going on, because of the isolation that I've been partaking in. Now is the time for friends and I just haven't let them in on what is going on. With this new glimmer of hope tonight I've been able to start thinking constructively and pray that it will continue, I do truely wish to become a servant leader. I want to help others to know God and to show them that there is hope in this life and that once you allow Jesus into your life things do become better.

God has believed in me and He never stopped loving me during my past and now I just can't give up on Him even during this trying time. I must admit I sure had some trying times and the old thoughts of destroying this life was real close but each time I was met with this voice who kept me on the right path and at a moment not to soon. So Lord I thank you for this chance and for not giving up on me. Yea this will and is a great journey and wouldn't be possible without YOU.

If you visit here much you know that music is important to me and I try to share something new each day, well today I'm sharing Rebecca St. James and her song "I Thank You". Each day that I thank Him for this life, it only brings me one step closer to feeling the greatest love you can ever find.



"God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can't take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."
Ephesians 2:8-10 (NLT)

Abandon The Ship?

I got back in town last night from my trip to Saint George, Utah and was really wore out. The business conference I attended was a real barn burner and has gotten my hopes up that a purpose in my life is now being developed. There was over 1500 people that attended and most were believers in Christ. The business deals with the largest online shopping site and how to become a part of it and most talked how God and is playing the major role in their new business development. On Sunday they even had a service before the leadership meeting where more than 25 people step forward and accepted Jesus Christ as their Savior. This brought tears to my eyes as I watched these souls being renewed. I feel that this new opportunity will enable me to help others find God and to strengthen my trust and belief in Him while developing my purpose and character.

God is still really testing me, I haven't received my day planner and contents from whoever found it and still pray that they'll do the right thing. My greatest loss was a photo my grandparents had sent for Christmas, because it was the only one I've had for over 3 years and I enjoyed opening the day planner just to remember them. Oh yea, the money, well that can be replace along with my ID, social security card and other important papers.

Today I found myself trying to get into an apartment. I have found a dorm style room just accross the street from the university, that would really fit my current needs for 6-12 months. I have tried to contact Pastor Andy but still haven't heard back from him. I know he just returned from a vacation and I'm sure I'll hear something soon.

The rest of the day was one test after another. I tried to get into my PayPal account but I'm being rejected and after contacting the main office they were still unable to allow me access. I changed my password recently and its not working, then when I tried to use the ID verification form it rejected my info. Customer support now is requiring me to fax something that has my current address on it. Well, I can't get my mail without an ID at either of the places I use for an address. I went to get an ID and they also are requiring me to bring in something recently mailed to me. I've explained my homelessness to both PayPal and the Utah drivers license division but have been left out in the cold. I've also been contacted about new jobs, but again I'm unable to get a job without ID and a social security card. Oh and the final object to be turned upside down was my camp. Some person came in and went through all of my belongings leaving most of it lay out in the elements during our last snow storm to get soaked. I'm not sure if my new warm sleeping bag will dry out by tonight but I do have a light summer one (I took with me this weekend) that I'll try to get by with. I guess the old saying, "When it rains it pours", holds true for my current situation.

Does this mean I'm going to abandon the ship?

NO WAY!!!!!!!!

I still am praying and staying in God's word. I know this is all happening because He wants to test my faith and trust in Him. Yea, it can be real hard at times, especially today as my stomach has been tied in knots all day along with disorientation and confusion.

A little music from Steven Curtis Chapman, "God is God", reminds me that I'll never fully understand all that He does and why He does it, but if I just remain steadfast in trust and faith for Him, that my life will be okay.

What a Bummer

Well I've been searching for an new place to rest my head and during this time I left my day planner with my savings, ID, social security card and photos on the train today. This has really bummed me out, but I pray that some honest person will turn it in.

I'm going to St. George Utah tomorrow for the weekend for a business conference with Mary, a member of K2 The Church. This will be the first time in 5 years that I'm actually leaving Salt Lake City. This will be a real adventure for me.

I did have some money stashed in my pocket which I took to the thrift store and bought some dress slacks and shirts for job hunting for a customer service position.


I won't be able to post until next Monday and just am so bummed today about my lost that I really don't have much to write about. So, I'll see ya all next week.

The Fear Factor

Well here we are in another new year with new beginning. Many throughout the world made resolutions, promises, and set goals for new expectations. Most people feel that this is the only time that we all can start over fresh but in Lamentations 3:23 it states "Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning." (NLT) So each morning I awake it is a new beginning. Through the blood of Jesus I have been forgiven for my sins on yesterday and today I can start a new slate.

Wow is that neat or what?

Did I set any goals for 2007?

Not really, my main thought is to continue growing in the Word and Work for our Lord. By doing this it has actually already started to open many doors and make me feel better about myself, but I must admit it also has brought along fear.

My fear is from past experiences of failing to follow through with promises and commitments. With the opportunity of housing, the fear of not meeting what I feel others are expecting of me arise. These fears are from my past life and they tend to try and work their way into my new life. Praying and talking with others is helping to strengthen my hopes and to avoid the fears, but I do believe that we all have fears, and through others and the power of Christ we can overcome these fears.

Many of my fears are from my old selfish, independent and self seeking ways. I do understand that I've been forgiven for the things I've done, but it is hard for me to forgive myself for many of these acts. Does this mean I'm giving up on this new journey? NO WAY!!! This new life is the best I've felt ever, and I will continue on working on it. Man, Jesus is great and my love for Him only continues to grow even more each day on my journey. No one said it was that this was going to be easy and the only expectations I have is that God will see the faith and trust I have in Him and that I'm working hard at becoming more Christ like. No, I can't become Jesus, but I can model my life more in the likeness of Him and each day I'm working on this. Through my faith and trust in Jesus we all can overcome the fear factor.

I finished my job directing traffic at the mall for the holidays yesterday after working nearly 60 hours last week and pulling a double shift yesterday. I will continue on with the temp agency with other part-time employment while looking for full time employment and arranging my new housing opportunity.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank all of those who have been praying for my life and needs, for the Christmas and holiday greetings, and just for caring and trusting me during the past year. This new life and journey is only beginning and without friends such as yourselves it would be empty.

Today I leave you with Audio Adrenaline's song "Ocean Floor". It best describes what I've actually been feeling and it eases my mind knowing that my sins are on the ocean floor.