Sunday, December 14, 2008

Feelings Of Self And God

Still having problems accepting that my life belongs to God. I battle each and every day with feelings of despair with my self and confusion towards God. I'm still in the "I" moment and know that it continues to drag me down emotionally and spiritually. I continue to put up great goals and hope but fail to turn these totally over to God. All of this only puts me in a depressed state.
I've noticed signs from Him, but I continue to ignore them,each time it only causes me greater loss of hope in myself. If only I could totally give myself fully to Him.

Today I'm battling the depression of losing my backpack and finding out that a place I still hang out (bar) has double charged me on my debt card. Both of these could have been adverted had I just listened to what the voice was telling me. It now may put my recent business ventures in jeopardy, all because I didn't have the strength to do the right thing.

I've been fortunate to be blessed with a family who truely cares and is currently providing a roof, love, and food, while I'm trying to stumble through this time of confusion and loss of faith.

I recently had a talk with one of the pastors at K2 The Church and he I both agree that I binge, not only with my drinking but also with God. This is something that I'm trying to watch and control. I don't want to go all out with God and this is what I'm struggling with, how do I take and give in moderation?