The second day in The Purpose Driven Life, You Are Not An Accident, is an eyeopener for me. Many times throughout the years I had contemplated that I was never met to be here. After my mother had left me and took my brother with her when I was 4, and when asking questions why, I received the shrug. Struggling with addictions, depression and emotional confusion, I had believed I actually was not suppose to be here on earth.
In the past couple of years friends have been trying to explain that God has a purpose for me, but it had been hard to comprehend. The toughest part was Love, and loving myself and God. I truly didn't know what love was. After many years of never being told or even hearing the word love, the word had no meaning. I read 1 John 4:8 "Who ever does not love does not know God, because God is love." and it confirms the main reason why I couldn't love anyone or myself.
During the last few years of my life, I have been wandering with no purpose. I had thought that I had to make everyone happy and to like me, which caused me to be untruthful many times. I felt that I needed to accomplish every goal I had set, and that if I didn't I was a failure. Man, I was just setting myself up for failure. Now, I'm trying each day to live for what God wants me to do, and not for what I think everyone expects me to do. It's a tough change and will take some time, but each day I use this concept, it becomes easier.