Monday, November 20, 2006

Hmmm, I'm Not An Accident

The second day in The Purpose Driven Life, You Are Not An Accident, is an eyeopener for me. Many times throughout the years I had contemplated that I was never met to be here. After my mother had left me and took my brother with her when I was 4, and when asking questions why, I received the shrug. Struggling with addictions, depression and emotional confusion, I had believed I actually was not suppose to be here on earth.

In the past couple of years friends have been trying to explain that God has a purpose for me, but it had been hard to comprehend. The toughest part was Love, and loving myself and God. I truly didn't know what love was. After many years of never being told or even hearing the word love, the word had no meaning. I read 1 John 4:8 "Who ever does not love does not know God, because God is love." and it confirms the main reason why I couldn't love anyone or myself.

During the last few years of my life, I have been wandering with no purpose. I had thought that I had to make everyone happy and to like me, which caused me to be untruthful many times. I felt that I needed to accomplish every goal I had set, and that if I didn't I was a failure. Man, I was just setting myself up for failure. Now, I'm trying each day to live for what God wants me to do, and not for what I think everyone expects me to do. It's a tough change and will take some time, but each day I use this concept, it becomes easier.

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