I've come down with the gumbo once again but I've the Lord to comfort me. Throughout my life I was the walking lost but today I've seeked out the one who will continue to lead me into the light. Yep 40 plus years of not feeling like I belonged, but today I have purpose, love, and all of the treasures one could wish for. Today I'll give you a bit of my past.
I was born in Indiana where at the age of 4 was left by my mother at my grandparents and she never returned taking a brother 1 year younger with her. My father, well, he was traveling the rodeo circuit and was only there for my birthday and Christmas. The grandparents worked a dairy farm and raised me the best they knew how but I was lost at an early age trying to figure out where I belonged. The drugs and alcohol started at an early age of 14 years old and continued on until just 3 months ago. I found myself unable to hold jobs or stay in one spot for any length of time. I moved to Utah at the age of 17 after graduating HS, to snow ski and have always considered this to be home.
At the age of 21 I returned to Michigan to try and live there and found myself in a hospital not being able to cope with life. I talked with my family and stated I wanted to see my brother and mom, a meeting was setup. My mom came to the hospital where I told her that I wanted to see Greg. Well she told me he knew nothing of me and she was not going to tell him. Well, I became angry and walked out never to talk with her again.
The next 20 years found me back in Utah and I spent a couple of years working out of Seattle on a fishing boat that fished the Bering Sea. Of course alcohol once again destroyed this opportunity and I came back to Utah. In 2000 I quit my drugging but kept of drinking and not able to hold on to a job. In 2003 I found myself on the streets and just not caring to live anymore. I've had my ups and downs out here during the last 3 years but started to get familiar with God during this time. I knew there was something missing in my life but not able to cope with it. During this time I did forgive my mom for leaving me. My brother has since contacted our dad after finding out about us while trying to get an passport. I still haven't talked with him but feel that it will soon be time.
Well on November 11th my whole life started to change. While I was at my hillside camp, I told God that He could have all of me and that I was tired of trying to do things my way. Since this time I feel like I belong, that I'm not just wandering around aimlessly. Oh, I'm still homeless but I'm now a person with love and feel loved. All of this has been made possible by loving God. I'm thankful that for the sacrafice of Jesus so that I can become clean and will live on in eternity. I may be homeless today but I do have a permanent home that is always there.
With my family being split apart I recently have begun to hope that we all can be reunited just for one day. I haven't been home to see my grandparents or family for over 6 years and will be trying to get there sometime next month. You see, my grandparents are 89 and 91 years old and each time I call (weekly), I can hear it in their voice that they miss me and want to see me. They keep reminding me they're getting old. My granny can't hear well so when we talk she does the talking then sobbing gives the phone to grandfather saying she is unable to hear me. I also want to share my love for God and to ask them to allow Him into there life so that they also may have eternal life. I'm going to call up Greg, my brother next week, hopefully we can get together when I go back to visit the family. And I actually would like to see my mom sometime also just to tell her that I forgive her and so does God.
Well that's where things stand now. I'm no longer lost. I have a new path and direction and through Jesus this has all been made possible. Through seeking out God, I've a new life, love, hope, family and smiles. My best friend, He is always there when I call up, never to busy to comfort me, doesn't have to look at His schedule to set an appointment, is willing to trust me and love me know matter what I've done in the past. Its GREAT!!!!
Lord Forgive Me When I Whine
Today, upon a bus, I saw a lovely girl with golden hair, I envied her...she seemed so gay..and wished I were as fair. When suddenly she rose to leave, I saw her hobble down the aisle; She had one leg and wore a crutch, but as she passed...a smile!
Oh, God forgive me when I whine, I have two legs. The world is mine.
I stopped to buy some candy. The lad who sold it had such charm. I talked with him. He seemed so glad. If I were late t'would do no harm. And as I left he said "I thank you . You have been so kind It's nice to talk with folks like you. "You see" he said "I'm blind." Oh, God forgive me when I whine , I have two eyes. The world is mine.
Later while walking down the street, I saw a child with eyes of blue. He stood and watched the others play. He did not know what to do. I stopped a moment and said "Why don't you join the others, dear?" He looked ahead without a word, and then I knew he could not hear. Oh, God forgive me when I whine. I have two ears. The world is mine.
With feet to take me where I'd go, with eyes to see the sunset glow, with ears to hear what I would know...Oh, God forgive me when I whine, I'm blessed indeed, the world is mine.
Today is National Homeless Memorial Day, a day to pay our respects to the homeless who died during the past year. I'll try to post more about the last few days in The Purpose Driven Life sometime tomorrow.
Today I've a song from Casting Crowns that says it all for me.