Another Issue to Deal With

I got to stay inside for the last couple of nights, but not due to my choice. On Tuesday I was feeling very disoriented while trudging down the hill. I believed I needed to eat so I stopped at the Heritage Center dorms for a bite at the cafeteria. I didn't make it up the stairs in fact I don't even remember going into the building. I understand after talking to some of the kids today that many had thought I was drunk. Man I haven't had a drink in over 2 months. I went down clobbering my head on the steps and smacking my right shoulder hard. They called an ambulance to haul me the 2 block distance to the hospital. I spent most of the day trying to figure out what was going on and they kept me under surveillance, especially after they found no alcohol or illegal substances in my system. They ran tests Wednesday and have found out that I have diabetes. What a shocker it doesn't even run in my family.

I was very fortunate that the fall didn't do worse damage than just the bruised ego and a real sore shoulder, not to mention the headache for 2 days. The new issue of having to deal with diabetes is a real tough slap for me. I surely wasn't expecting this and really don't want to deal with it.

I was told that the depression and dizzy spells I had been experiencing were symptoms that I should have been more alarmed about. I just felt they were due to my poor eating habits and not sleeping in the best conditions.

Now my biggest problems is finding out if I still have a job. During all of the happenings my small pack with all of the important papers, wallet, day planner, phone and other items was misplaced and it took me the whole day today to find out the police had them. They were the first I contacted after finding out the hospital or cafeteria didn't have them, but I was told the they were not in possession of them either. Well, at about 4pm they called and said they had located them and I could come and pick it up. Now throughout all this time I had no number to call my employer , but have since left messages for him. Man I pray that I don't lose one on the things that is actually going right at this time in my life.

How is this effecting my life with God?

Well I must admit it really has put a hurt on me. I just can't understand why He has been testing me so much and mentally it has been taking a toll. Tonight my thoughts wander and I feel as though I'm taking huge leaps backwards instead of going forward like I thought I was.

My housing still remains the same and no messages concerning it were left during the time away from the phone, in fact only my employer was the single message. A couple of times in the past I was offered housing after asking but after doing the footwork it never materialized. This time I didn't ask for the offer but I feel once again that its going down the tube. How can many of us keep up the hope after past experiences like these?

As I pull out the Bible tonight I'm not sure where to go and find the words that He wants to convey to me. I know that He is sending me a message but What? Where? and How? I went on a search for music video from Steele Croswhite who has been instrumental in bringing me to Christian music. Steele is a a leader at The Rock Church who meets every Saturday night in the same building as K2 The Church and his music has always touched me. After finding the video "Matchless" it brought me to Psalms and I read a few chapters but Psalm 146 touched me the most at a time in need.

Psalm 146: 5-10
"5: But joyful are those who have the God of Israel as their helper, whose hope is in the Lord their God. 6: He made heaven and earth, the sea and everything in them. He keeps every promise forever. 7: He gives justice to the oppressed and food to the hungry. The Lord frees the prisoners. 8: The Lord opens the eyes of the blind. The Lord lifts up those who are weighed down. The Lord loves the godly. 9: The Lord protects the foreigners among us. He cares for the orphans and widows, but he frustrates the plans of the wicked. 10: The Lord will reign forever. He will be your God, O Jerusalem throughout the generations. Praise the Lord!"

Once again I thank you Lord for bringing me back into the light and even during these trying times I can't allow that evil demon to infiltrate my thinking and that you are the Greatest! If it wasn't for your grace Lord only you would have known where I'd be at this time. You see I've been that prisoner, the hungry, oppressed and trying to lug the huge mountain on my shoulders all alone and now I no longer need to carry these burdens alone. It may be a tough night tonight but tomorrow I'll begin with the ever important prayer and then start dialing the brothers and sisters I've come to know through you to help me find the answers to the questions I have.

Tonight I'm thankful for this blog, because writing here helps me to understand where I'm at with God. And tonight it took me to the right pages in the Bible.

Does this mean all is well tonight? No, but I do feel more comfortable knowing that He hasn't forgotten me, and I haven't Him.

Tearing It Down To Rebuild

Miracles happened through Jesus on the Sabbath and continues to do so. Today at K2 The Church, while everyone was singing, a message was given to me from our Almighty Lord. You see, during the past week I have been somewhat trouble about what has be going on in my life and today He told me that I'm going through some pain of being torn down so I may be rebuilt for the purpose He has brought me here on earth for. As I shared this with other members from the church, I also learned that even after spiritual growth this still occurs, which is all new to me.

This,I feel, is a blessing to see that even when I thought I wasn't maturing any, that God was actually still working on me. He hadn't just taken a few days off, but was trying to tear away the corrupt way of my past life to make way for this new journey. The pain I felt in the past few days is something that I would have normally masked through the use of alcohol, but not so today, thanks to Him.

The message He sent me today was not the only thing that happened today. My new work will require me to get a computer, which I've been praying for. I spoke to Pastor Andy before the services and was informed he was already working on it. Between the 9am service and 10:45 service I was talking to a person I met during Christmas dinner and mentioned that I was praying for and looking for a computer. Kevin then stated he had just bought a new PC and that I was welcome to have his older one. Wow, another prayer answered and I hadn't even made it out of the church yet.

Today's message at church was "iWant", part 2 of the iLife series, and it dealt with how we all want stuff out of life, rather than giving back to life. The ideal of wanting actually makes us feel more independent when we get it, but giving makes us more like God. We all want to make an investment for our future, when giving is actually an investment for our future through eternity. Many of us want that treasure at the end of the rainbow, but our treasure is actually where our heart is.

Where is your heart today?

Our nation is rich and many through money, some of the less fortunate are very rich also, through their heart. No matter which we are, we can all be blessed by the greatest of all treasures through giving and sharing with others. (1 Timothy 6:17-19)

Something interesting I learned today:
$8 will buy 2 cups of coffee here in the US and in the Honduras it will buy 25 fruit trees.

$73 will buy 6 CD's in the US and in Uganda it will pay for a mobile AIDS clinic.

We are truly blessed here in the US but yet many still want more and have forgotten that it is by giving that we acquire more love from God and the true treasure of eternity.

Today when I awoke it was -2 degrees where I'm camping, but yet I was warm due to the fact of the warm sleeping bag I was blessed with over the holidays. I hope to be off the streets in a few days and pray that last night will be the last cold, frigid night I spend on the hillside. In return I also pray that all through out the world, those who are in similar circumstances find warm clothing, food, sleeping items and or housing along with the warmth of God.

Turning my life over was the greatest thing I've ever done. It's not been easy and the "stuff" not many, but the treasures I've received is just awesome and I feel truly rich in spirit, warm at heart and loved by our Lord.

I've really been blessed and thankful that He has taken me back and the song "Take You Back" from Jeremy Camp fills the words in for what has went on in my life and what is going on now.

A Bowl Of Cherries?

As the days are beginning to grow longer so has my patience with my new life. God has His subtle ways of testing me and the last few days has been just a small glimpse of His powers. My cell phone quit working, the camera quit working, finding an apartment without a great credit history has been tough, and once again depression is trying to work on me. Life is not a bowl of cherries today, but I still know God is there directing me to the right path and encouraging me to take the right steps to avoid conflict with the wicked one.

God didn't intend for our lives to be without conflict and we are reminded that life here on earth is not heaven. Today my ways of thinking are gradually changing and its a real challenge, but a challenge that I'm enjoying. Yes, I'm truly blessed today even though I'm homeless and struggling slowing forward. Each day I look forward to focusing my life more on God.

I'll be searching for the right apartment for one more week, trying to find something that will be affordable yet live able. I just can't believe what some landlords call live able. One rental unit was worse than living outside at my camp, having open electrical outlets, bugs, broken windows and broken furniture, and he wanted $500 plus utilities. I'm also in the process of applying for a job at O'Currance Teleservices for inbound telesales position which will allow me to work at home after training, and I'll find out more about this next week.

The weather has been somewhat cooperative with not much snow or rain and temps have been moderate for this time of year.

I'm still working 6 hour days directing traffic at the mall and this continues to try my patience each day. I have found that those who drive hummers and expensive cars to be very inconsiderate of others and their saftey, and only seem to be concerned about themselves. I pray that this folks will pick up The Purpose Driven Life and just read the first sentence of Day One and implement it into their lives.

Again I'm off to work, for the next week it is still tough to get use of the internet so my posts will not be to consistant, however after Jan. 8th I'll be able to post daily and I look forward to this.

Today I give you a Chris Tomlin video "Enough" along with an interview.

Shivering Sweet

Welcome to Utah and just hang around because the weather will change in just a few minutes.

Yep, its a proven fact. Yesterday saw temps reaching close to 60 degrees during the day, but by 5pm all had changed and temps dropped with snow falling. I noticed today a weather alert had been issued for a heavy snow warning from today until the morning tomorrow. This morning was the coldest I've been since the winter has started, I just can't seem to warm up and stop shivering, even though the temps aren't that bad.

Yesterday when I went to work at 4pm and the temps had started to drop, I felt that I wasn't dressed or prepared for it. Well, I was real fortunate last night during my job of parking cars and directing traffic the supervisor put me in the "Summer Garage". As the old Jackie Gleason would of said, "How SWEEEET it is!". Yea, the Lord was looking out for me. Nope, there are no beaches or palm trees here, but it was a heated parking garage. The good news is that the job will last through the holidays and I should be able to obtain at least 40 hours next week. Putting faith in Jesus Christ is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Today I'll attend a breakfast buffet served out at St. Vincent DePaul Center, run by Catholic Community Services. This is a great meal normally consisting of eggs, biscuits and gravy, sometimes some fruit and of course some type of sweet roll. The great thing here is that you can keep going back for more. The thing I don't understand the most is that many people choose not to go. I'll try to get some pics here.

Yesterday's photos, well that a different story and real short. They just didn't come out good or I forgot to save them. Oh well, I'm still learning everday, and actually I'm still what I will call, "Wet behind the ears" when it comes to being a child of God also.

I got back into The Purpose Drive Life reading and yesterday was Day 15, "Formed for God's Family". My understanding here is that God wants all to become part of His family because He loves us all. I can't remember what verse it is but I'm thinking of one that says something like, "If you do not know love, you do not know God, because God is love." God loves us all and he wants to have a relationship with us all and through our faith in Jesus, God becomes our Father. Being a child of God is such an honor, we are blessed with other great brothers and sisters, along with other great treasures, the most important being eternal life. I really liked this chapter and it has brought me to understand that treating each other as brother and sister is important. One thing that came to mind here is that some of our family is lost so it is our job to go out and give them a map or plant a seed to help them out.

You know here I am without many worldly possessions, but yet I'm able to walk down the street and hold my head up and smile, sometimes that smile is huge and giggly like and sometimes can be barely seen, but its there just as long as I'm thinking about the Lord.

I'm posting this from the downtown City Library so I won't be able to share any music today. The UofU went on its break yesterday so hours are limited there during the weekends (Sat. only and for 3.5 hours) and shortened on weekdays. This will go until Jan 8th, when the spring semester starts.

Hope you all have a great weekend and I'll be back sometime Monday, the good Lord willing.

It's A Struggle

The past couple of days has left me with no work, I shoveled myself right out of a job. I'm looking at trying to get a job in the customer service area and have started my search today. I've earned enough to survive for a week or two of waiting for a check from a new job. The weather has been good to me and looks to not be to bad for the next couple of weeks. Man, God sure has looked out for me in the weather conditions.

Today has been a tough day for me, the old depression seems to be hovering around me and it has been a struggle just to hold the head up, but I know I have the comfort and strength of God and that thought in it's self has pushed me on.

I'll post my last readings of The Purpose Driven Life tonight after I get back from more job searching.

As I walk through this day I'll be thinking of the band Building 429's song "Fearless" as I struggle to hold my head up and feel good about life in general. The video is lead out by a verse from Psalm 112:8 "They are confident and fearless and can face their foes triumphantly" which will also be in my mind.

A Homeless Reunion

Today I went to K2 The Church for the late service (easiest to attend), when walking through the parking lot I noticed a person walking towards me. At first I thought I recognized this person, but he was still in St. George, Utah, or at least that was the last place I had heard from him. Well as a miracle was in the making and another was continuing, it was Joe. The last I had seen him we were both on the streets, he, drinking and just really ready to give up life in general, me, ready to stomp on with my self seeking ways. This was all over a year ago.

We shook hands and greeted each other, both looking at each other like, "Now what is the purpose of this miracle meeting"? I led off asking Joe if he was here to attend the service. He replied, "Yea, and I know someone who is attending here and was hoping to see them". I then told him about my recent surrendering of my life to God, and how it has lifted the weight off of my shoulders along with making my life so much more bearable. Joe responded with, "I just had to let some one else take over, because I was just ruining my life, and since then the miracles have been rolling in."

Wow (#1), here was a guy who was totally bummed out on life when I last saw him. It was great to see him smiling and all enthused about having a great job, drivers license back, and a vehicle to get him around, all because he had invited the Lord to take over his life.

I ask Joe who he knew at K2, and he mentioned some girl who served meals on Sundays in the park. I knew exactly who he was talking about, and asked if it was Suzy. "Yep" he said, "She said she goes here so I wanted to check it out and may be get to see her". Wow again (#2), I had met Suzy while also helping feed at the park. I too had been keeping my eye out to see if she may still be attending K2, but hadn't seen her.

Joe and I both went inside for a cup of mud, when in comes Suzy and a friend. Wow number 3. It was great to see the work of the Lord bringing together those that had shared a small past together.

You know God sure times these moments well. I was in the need of a boost today and this was just the ticket.

At the end of the message, Joe and I, were both invited out to eat with Suzy and two of her friends. Man, this was just awesome. I was able to set down and have a conversation about how God was changing my life, all of these with a feeling of joy, trust, love and honesty. This is just a glimpse of what God has in store for me and it is just awesome, out of sight, cool, well just a down right indescribable feeling.

Thank you Lord for this day.

Day 13 in The Purpose Driven Life, "Worship That Pleases God" went together with today's message at K2 about how God would like us to pray and worship Him. Many people use the same prayers over and over, not actually having true sincerity. God expects us to pray our own way, using our personality and background that He gave us. With me this means using the words, Wow, cool, awesome, hip, and another that some say isn't proper, "dude". Yea, I've always called some of my best friends dude and God is now at the top of that list, so I might say, "Dude" in the middle of thanking Him and telling Him that, "He is an awesome dude." This is just my personality, and I believe it is genuine in showing my love for Him. The most important thing in this reading was the statement that, God wants all of our love not just part of it as it states in Mark 12:30.

Each day I work at giving all of my love to God and trust in Him leading me through each day, all of this through my prayers and worship. This gives me such a great feeling and opportunities to view His work like the reunion I had today.

It was a, WOW! WOW! WOW! day thanks to our King and, "Yes He is one awesome dude."

The recent addition to my camp is, Ahhhh warmth, the extra sleeping bag kept me nice and toasty throughout the night when temperatures dropped to 10 degrees, but please keep on praying that someday soon I'll have a place to call home with a kitchen and bed.

My music for tonight needs no explanation, and the David Crowder Band just kicks it out. I heard this for my first time at K2 The Church and it just grab me. So here it is.

Walking The Right Path

Well, I made it through the day with God lifting me up every time I was in need and that wasn't many. I nearly accomplished everything I set out to do today along with something I didn't plan on accomplishing, that is loosing my flash drive. Yep, I left it earlier today in the USB plug here at the University of Utah library and unfortunately no one has turned it in. I had my name taped to the outside, if they open the files one includes a job resume which has my phone number, address and email. I just pray that the person will do the right thing. Wow, just imagine if that was a student's finals project with weeks of work, that would be a real bummer.

During my thrift shopping I picked up a used, in great condition, gore-tex REI jacket for $10 and a new polar fleece vest for $6, all to be used for work. This will leave me with a good jacket and vest for around town. You just can't beat thrift store shopping. I'll be trying out a new sleeping bag during tonight's expected single digit temperatures, it will be used as a liner for my existing bag. With these items and a new duffel bag for laundry duty, my evening times can be spent reading the Bible, posting here, research and promoting the New Path project and just enjoying time with God.

While running around today it came to me how my life had become so much more simplified since I started to follow Jesus. Truthfulness has left my mind at ease and not racing to figure out what I've said or need to say. Laying the self centered and self seeking life to rest and taking up the cross has just taken a huge load off my shoulders. I'm so thankful for my new life with God at the helm.

In The Purpose Driven Life, Day 11 and 12 both are about friendship with God. Day 11 "Becoming Best Friends With God", explains that He wants to be your best friend. By including God throughout the day in your work, hobbies, or menial tasks via prayer, is showing God how much you really love him and that He's your best friend.

I currently have no problem praying throughout the day and reminding Him how much I love Him and that He is my best friend. Today when I just need an ear, I turned to God, I go to the top of my friendship list for comfort. My past experience with prayer was only for my purpose or benefit and as long as I obtained what I wanted it was great, if not I was totally mad at God for not producing. I was just using God. Man, that is horrible. If some people would only pray or have a conversation with God as many times as they email, text, use chat rooms, or use the cell phone to talk with their friends, they would be building the strongest and best friendship anyone can have. This is where Day 12 comes in with "Developing Your Friendship with God".

If yesterday you were asked the question, "Who is your best friend", what would have been your answer? Until I mentioned above who your best friend should be, most would have come up with another earthly humans name and not God. This would have been my answer also up until about 2 weeks ago. You see all of my friends before then are in the bars hammering away and no having a care about or for anything else. Since I've turned my life over to God, I haven't had one phone call, email, or contact with them. This tells me how many friends I had before. Today I truly have only one best friend besides my grandparents and those who visit here and pray for me, of course it's God.

Even though God is our best friend, He can also put us to the test and give us wake up calls when we begin to wander off the path. These wake up calls are for our benefit. Remember having a great friendship with God is you choice and you'll only be as close to Him as you choose to be.

A verse which will be my verse to memorize next week, is Jeremiah 29:13 "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart", really fits in with Day 11 & 12 readings and everyday in my life.

I'll leave you tonight with another song. Man, I just love listening these songs, it's so refreshing from my old music tastes of AC/DC, Rob Zombie and others that now I need to pray for. The cool thing is that many of the Christian rock bands have former hard rock'n, party type musicians, who also have turned their life over to God. Long live Rock-n-Roll, Christian rock that is.

Tree63's song "King" gives you the answer who your best friend should be.



Since I've been writing this another prayer has been answered, my flash drive is now in my hands. Yes, God is great and I'm so grateful to have Him in my life. How about you?

What Drives Your Life?

The 3 day in The Purpose Driven Life is asking me what my life is currently driven by. When I stop and view where I'm at and how I got here, I think "Man, you've been wandering around just trying to please and impress everyone around you". My life has always been about gaining approval from everyone, even those who I didn't know. As it says in Matthew 6:24 - "No one can serve two masters".

Who am I fooling when I thought I could please everyone? It is God that I need to please because He is the one that will be judging me. This chapter was asking me what I've known for sometime now, but never knew or had the strength to change it.

I'm looking forward to getting on with the book but I'll do as it asks and take it one day and chapter at a time. Hey, kinda like AA. I've already started to narrow down the things in my life that are actually pushing me to the insane edge and have started to focus on this new journey with God.

I've been working on learning website publishing and have taken it to include a site with christian rock videos called what else "God Rock Videos". Yea, I like rock and it's a great way for me to focus and get through my day. Hope you get a chance to visit it.

Tomorrow I think there is a dinner at the Utah Jazz's basketball venue the formally known as the Delta Center, which has changed to the EnergySolutions Arena that I'll try to visit. Throughout the next couple of days the thanksgiving feasts for the needy are bountiful.

Lost Music in a Lost Day

Yep, the file hosting site I was using for my music files cut me off. I used to much bandwidth, now they want the green backs. Oh well, just went to another until I can get my own hosting. I've had to change all of the links here for music, so if there is a problem downloading a MP3 please let me know. In the mean time I look at todays accomplishments and find it was pretty much a loss, except for my reading in A Purpose Driven Life.

I will be attending service tomorrow at K2 The Church. This is a fast growing church that was first established in Michigan (Go Tigers and Lions) and has had a rapid growth here is Salt Lake City. Luther Elliss, who was a great defensive tackle for the Detroit Lions, was instrumental in bringing this church here. I have attended a few services in the past, but not with my new outlook and faith in God. I hope to obtain a NIV bible there tomorrow.


I'll end tonight with a country song for Snog Dot and Thomas from Jerry Corelli called The Rock. Yea, I do listen to country (sometimes). This guy is a hero in my book. Back in 1992 Jerry brought a 5 year old girl back to life after he had found her being strangled by a stranger. You can read the account of this here.

Letting Him Lead the Way

Today was a real test from God. He tested my patience and my will to stand tall and work for what He intends me to have.

I accomplished more today than in the past few months. After leaving my safe spot at the university library, I was able to retrieve my mail which included my new state ID card (the other was lost) and a small check from a Internet phone service sale that was made back in August. With the $$ I went on a mission to purchase a cell phone charger which will help me in my search for a job.

Oh yea, as I had stated yesterday, I've had a change of direction. I believe God wants me to stay on here in Salt Lake City to start working on what He has planned for me. I'm not sure what it is He has in mind for me but I will leave it up to Him, while I continue on working to put my life in order.

Back to the phone charger mission, I went to the Cingular store where I purchased the phone, and was told they had no chargers for a Sony Ericson but a store a few blocks away did. I grabbed the train and went to pick it up, but low and behold I was told the same story at this Cingular store. The clerk told me my best option was the Radio Shack around the corner. Yes this is where God was trying my patience. I asked the clerk why sell the phone if you don't carry the accessories and was told "I'm not sure why." Off I go to the Radio Shack, another wild goose chase, and I found a huge brick of a charger, the iGO, that you purchase plus you need to buy an adapter to fit your phone (total $40). I returned to the 2nd Cingular store and ask if they would please find me a proper charger for me. One phone call and 30 seconds later this clerk had me on my way back to just a block from the 1st Cingular store.

By this time I'm getting upset and tired from carrying my backpack full of dirty laundry. I walked back to this small repair shop and the guy had a sony ericson knockoff charger. Oh well, it was only $15, a $25 savings. YES! I just hope it will last until I'm able to afford a regular cell phone plan instead of my current pre-paid plan.

It was now 5pm and I needed to do the stinky and mildewy laundry. After 2 hours of watching and waiting for the washer and dryer to stop I had fresh smelling clothes. COOL! Now all I need is a good old scrubbing myself.

I will be going to the University eye clinic tomorrow to see if they have any donated glasses that may help my vision. The trees currently all look like huge shrubs without limbs. I also will work on getting my social security card replaced and will go to an AA meeting.

It has been cool, that God has been showing me a new path and the courage to start walking down it. I'm sure He has some kind of employment in mind for me so I'll be keeping my ears open to what He tells me.

Tonight I found a great little java script that will enable you to have a daily bible verse on your blog or website from Lord of Hosts Verse of the Day . You can see what one of their scripts look like at the top of this blog index. Another great option is that you can also get the verse of the day on your mobile phone.

Man, I'm whip and need to go take a shower, after which I'll climb the hill to my camp and damp sleeping bag to grab a good nights rest.

Thank you Lord!