Yea, been a few weeks here of just fighting it out. No, that evil person isn't winning, it is, and always will be, Jesus! This battle of depression has gotten me down for a few days, but will not overcome the power of our Lord.
Back to James, this book is just awesome. The bible study I'm in wanted me to read straight through it, then go back for the studies. Well heck, I couldn't make it within 4 days. I kept on stopping and reflecting every couple of verses. Oh yea, it is powerful (or is it He is powerful).
This weekend is going to be great! Can you believe that this guy gave His blood for us?
I had a discussion last night with this girl who said, "Yea, I'm going to heaven because I've been good." When I explained to her how and why, she just was awed. She thanked me for bringing this to light and said, "Its time for me to get back with my friend." Oh YEA!
Have you hugged Jesus today?
It has been a couple weeks of NCAA basketball and everyone was yelling, clapping, raising there arms with great joy. Well, I was doing this, and our team kept on getting stronger. Every time we hit the floor, the opponent took off running for the door. Oh by the way, that photo is of Steele Croswhite, a real huge fan of the team.
Well its baseball time and last Sunday our Pastor, Dave, was just blessed with a real powerful hit. "Rock Bands and Rasin' Hands" just made everyone want to get up a yell for their favorite. This lady setting a couple of seats over, just reached over and grabbed and said, "Woooo, this is just awesome!" It was her first time at K2 and I'm sure she'll be back with others.
Well haven't gave out a tune for awhile so here it goes. It goes out to a real tough player in the Word. Mike, just came out of surgery yesterday from a ripped Achilles tendon. Yea, he's not the real singer here, but they really did a great job of putting this video together. YouTube's download leaves some to desire, because of the sync, but David Crowder thought it was good enough to put it up during one of their gigs on the big screen.
Huge Detroit Tiger Fan letting everyone know who the real coach is. (Dave, K2 pastor)
It has been tough trying to log in to my blogger account for the last 2 days. I finally was able to get on by posting a comment to the blog. Go figure.
The last 2 weeks I've been noticing a real move towards compassionate projects for the homeless within K2 The Church. Not that they were already working on bringing the work of God to them before, but just a more visable effort going on. On Sunday the message was "Taking It To The Streets" and was set up like a David Letterman show, where compassionate project participents were interviewed and they discussed their missions.
K2 has been working in Russia with orphans, the Honduras' on housing, New Orleans rebuilding, with the "Dream Center" a very diversified mission to the refugees here in Salt Lake City from many countries, and of course with the homeless and needy locally. The new term for this is thinking and working "Glocally".
I'll be working of course here on the streets trying to make more people aware of homelessness and how to approach them and work with them. An important part of this will be making members aware of the homeless resources available and where they can help out at and take the work of Jesus.
Tonight there is a meeting at K2 concerning on going projects such as working with the local Rescue Mission, the Sunday meals at the park, and other vital missions and projects that we would like to develop. I'll be presenting an opportunity for members to tour the facilities and resources available to the homeless. Most of these resources are within a 4 block area of the main shelter "The Road Home", and I pray that we can all work together to develop a tour of these facilities all on one Saturday.
I really noticed a need for this during the Superbowl meal we served at the park. Many of the volunteers didn't have much knowledge of where to send people or where they went after the meal. A couple even had real crash courses about homeless people while trying to help out. There are just so many areas in which individuals can volunteer while bringing the work of Jesus to the homeless.
Yea, it's just like the old Doobie Brothers tune "Taking It To The Street", and that is exactly what we plan on doing. This is the start of an opportunity to share my recent love of Jesus and how He has changed my life. The fruit that I bear may be still somewhat green but I do feel that it can be nourishing to those who are still wandering around without purpose.
Sunday night was to be the night to change the subtitle to this blog, but not able to log in, it has remained the same until this morning. I would like to thank everyone for their suggestions and hope you all like the one that was chosen.
Yep, it's time for music once again and today's is kinda special, due to the fact this video contains members of K2 and many who have been instrumental in my new life with purpose. I found it, of course where else, on YouTube.com and was impressed with their work. The song "You are My Joy" is from David Crowder. The video was shot near the Great Salt Lake and many of those appearing play at K2 on Sundays.
Yesterday was a day of Love, Valentines Day, and we were able to share the love of Jesus with nearly 30 ladies from the shelter. Bonnie S. a member of K2 The Church came up with the plan of serving these ladies with a meal and love about a week ago. She had no idea where any of the items needed for this mission would materialize, and through prayer and faith a lovely evening was had.
Many members from K2 gathered at a local resturant, Big City Soup, which donated their services and dining area for the evening, to decorate and prepare a meal. Clothing was brought in, hygene products, pampering products and of course Bibles by the piles. At 7:45 approx. 10 women and 10 men walked a block to escort to their Valentines Day date with the Lord.
It was just so awesome to see their faces light up as we walked in. Many of the women had put on their best (many dresses and suits were donated earlier this week) for their date. There was a gentleman, Gibb, who really caught their attention, and one lady spoke up quickly and stated, "Oh yea I want him to be my escort tonight". As we all became aquainted with eachother while waiting for all of the ladies to show up, you could just see how Jesus was working to calm their nervousness about this night.
We escorted the ladies to the meal, some grabbing ahold of arms of the men available and some wishing just to walk with another lady or maybe even alone. You could just feel their excitement vibrating. They were all seated with other ladies from K2 where endless converstion and love was shared as this was a night for all of the ladies to be loved by Jesus.
Many prayers were said, trust and faith was built up and the Love of Jesus could be felt throughout the night. Tears were shed, smiles grew bigger, and the calmness of Love spread into the air.
As the night came to an end some were reluctant to leave this awesome time, but you could see that Jesus had truly touched many and that His Love was throughly enjoyed. I hope to share some photos of this great event within the next couple of days.
This is the start of many projects that will be happening for the Salt Lake City homeless population. We all are looking forward to helping spread the word of Christ and I for one am excited to see some of these needy people walk into the light of Jesus.
Yea, I've begun to settle into my new diggs, what a change from the homeless lifestyle this is. I can now wake up a jump in the shower while hot coffee is brewing. It is just AWESOME! We nearly have my office setup for my work and today most likely will be the last time I post from here at the UofU library. The U has been very instrumental in my advancement with my new life and I'm very grateful for the use of their library and other facilities which made my life on the streets bearable.
Today I've picked out a song from TobyMac, a christian rap artist, "Burn For You" is really explaining what has begun to be a wonderful journey. You see, I'm a brand new man, and I do want the world to know that I burn for HIM!
This video has all of the words to this song and I hope that it grabs you as much as it has me.
Oh yea, I'm looking for a new subtitle for this blog and if you have any ideas please leave me an email or comment. This journey is only just beginning and I hope to continue sharing it with any and all who come here.
My hopes and dreams for a roof over my head have been a real roller coaster ride for the past couple of weeks. The struggle of trying to convince landlords that I'm worth the risk to rent to was a real challenge and one I pray that I'll never face again.
Will the sub-title of this blog be changed forever in just a few days?
I met with the a person today who attends the same church as I, and it looks real promising. He wants his roommate and I to meet each other just to see if we'll be compatible, but I do feel that the chase for a home is done for at least a few months. This couldn't come at a better time, just when I'm preparing to start working on some type of ministry for the homeless.
During the past few months I've been fed, given drink, clothing, warmth and nursed to health. Those that have seen to my needs during this time must always know that by doing this they were actually do this to Jesus. Just as it says in Matthew 25:35-40 those that have prayed and helped are truly the blessed.
What a great life this is and it is only getting better by the minutes. Three years ago or even just 4 months ago I would have told you that it wasn't possible and that I was destined to just blow away with the dust. Today I can tell you miracles do happen, love is really out there, hope is standing right next to you, and this glorious feeling is just so awesome.
Each day as I learn more of how to live this life as Jesus would, I look forward to sharing it with others. Tonight I ask that you pray for all of those throughout the world that are in need of housing, food, medical, water, clothing or love, that their needs will be met. I also challenge you to go out a become familiar with the homeless needs and to show some compassion by befriending someone in need.
A song from Chris Tomlin just says it all for me tonight.
Well, no home yet. It seems that having no rental history for the last three years is slamming the doors on me, and the market here is very demanding.
On Valentines Day I've been ask to help serve a dinner for the ladies who are staying a the shelter. It'll be great to share God on this night and I hope the women will enjoy the meal and love that will be shared with them. I'll also be speaking on Thursday night at a local Lions Club dinner, about their Gift of Sight program. It will be an honor to share with them how much the new eye sight has changed my life and other also.
I do have a possible place to move to this weekend. A guy has just came back from a mission in Russia and he emailed me a couple days ago stating that it may be possible to move into his basement for a few months. I'll be contacting him later on today and pray that this maybe a new place to rest my head.
Today I'm listening to Switchfoot and believing that salvation is here and that I no longer need to run from this life but just embrace it along with Jesus.
Just when I felt that the light was really going to shine today, it was covered with dark clouds and I still remain homeless.
The apartment property manager I was to meet today at 11 a.m. never showed or answered his phone. He had stated that even with poor credit and no rental history all I needed to do was show him how serious I was. Well after 45 minutes of waiting and a dozen phone calls, I had to abandon that hope once again.
Grabbed the phone and went to work on the search again, after a dozen or so calls, I found another possibility. The girl stated once again they needed an application fee. I bussed out to pick up an advance from the person I work for and his wife took me to the apartment for the viewing. Well, the place was alright, needed some cleaning, but when I asked how soon after putting the application in would I be able to move in. She had told me all they needed to do was verify employment. The girl said it would be a week or so before they would go through the applications. Yep, been there done that to the tune of $60, this time the $20 stayed in my pocket.
Laura and I got busy on the phone once again and after several calls, set an appointment for tomorrow morning.
Yea, I'm still gratefull for Jesus and all He does, but today He sure blocked the light out and things are a bit cloudy. He will still remain my "Strong Tower" just as Kutless sings it.
What is sense to the homeless person? Is it just trying to survive? Or, is it just trying to be? Maybe it could be just trying to be accepted? Some never figure it out, many just never get it. I really hope and pray that many will. Some times I'm not sure if I do.
Yea, it's another day of, well, can I say I really don't know, but I can't live on without the hope and love of Him.
Sense is believing, hoping, loving, just grabbing ahold and saying I love you Jesus. You see, Jesus is the one I love, but yet sometimes it doesn't really make sense.
I keep trying and trying, but many things feel like the desert is really running dry.
Am I to stay on these streets for the rest of living life here on earth?
Many people are praying for me throughout the world, just as I do for them each day. It really seems like though God has a purpose for me without a home.
Hey! I'm not saying I'm giving up. I'm just trying to figure out where I'm really at, and why this is happening. It just doesn't make sense sometimes.
Yea, no home today and here in this valley it just gets tougher each day battling for a home.
Ah, what the heck I'll go back out tomorrow and just struggle on, trying to find a home.
I love you Jesus! Thank you for your LOVE.
Tonight I could go back to where I once was, but this is just to good to leave. Yesterday it was great seeing and sharing with Angel, David, Leprechaun, Treena, Steve, Bobbie Brown, and many others. I shared with them the love and the truth of this new life and yet I'm not sure weather I really understand it, but tonight I pray that each one of those I seen will be touched by Him.
Sometime I will look back and it will all make sense, but today I must go on with what He has designed for me. It may be staying homeless and just passing on His word, I'm not sure. What ever it is I still love you Jesus!
All right the music today, well, it could be just no beat at all, but yet, it's the beat of Jesus' feet right next to me, and its "Day by Day".
Yesterday was a super day, and I'm not talking about the Superbowl. I had a chance to discuss my housing with Pastor Andy and others at K2 The Church and fully have faith that God will present me with housing within just a couple of days. That wasn't the greatest thing that happened though.
At K2 The Church we were going to have a Superbowl party and watch it on the big screen, but God had another purpose in mind for the party. The NFL announced that they were going to come down on churches and other organization who showed the game on big screens and threatened with penalties. So, the food that was being catered in along with a huge support crew went to Pioneer Park and set up tents and presented the homeless and needy with a great catered meal. It was great to see many of my acquaintances and many came up to me wondering what was going on with me, because I was looking so bright and cheerful. So, I had many chances to share with them my new found love for Jesus and invited them to come and see for their self how great life can be.
It was just a super day to see the compassion that was being shared with everyone at the park. Clothes were given out, bibles handed out, caring conversation, unselfish love and care given, some even went to homes for the game, and there were many prayers said.
Many of those who came out to help were asking what do we do when the food runs out, I just stated, "He will provide". We ended up having food left over to give away for many to take with them. Now I pray that those who never witnessed this great type of mission that it touched their hearts and the needy will see more of them.
My work is going great, my health becoming more stable (mentally and physically), and my love for Jesus is just growing stronger my the minute.
This early morning I'm so grateful that on November 11th I said a prayer and told Him that I'm all His. Each day is so much better than before even my worst day doesn't compare to some of my best days before. This is not a life of partial giving, but just stomping on the gas to full throttle giving of my life to Jesus.
Today I'm rocking out with Jeremy Camp's "Take My Life".
The smile is back on even though things haven't changed, except for my deepened love for Jesus. Yea, I thank Him for believing in me.
Last Friday I had a real experience that I didn't share. I was walking to grab the train carrying my bible when 2 young men walked by and said something. On this day I was in a very frustrated mood and wasn't being to receptive of others, but I did turn and ask what they had said. They both turned and came back towards me while threatening me stating, "We're going to kick your A**, you bible beater.", among other things. When I had grab control of my temper, (I really wanted to just jump into their faces.) I told them that I wouldn't beat on my bible that was why I was carrying it, because I didn't want it to get scarred up in my pack. I also stated how I was living on the streets and explained how the Lord has helped renew my life and hope. They were in shock and really didn't know what to say. That is where I left them, while praying that maybe the seed I just planted will grow and not blow away.
Wow, how could I forget to tell someone about a incident such as that. The thought here is, even when I was at one of my lowest during my new life, God was still doing great work through me. He never gave up and didn't sit and dwell on my past, He took hold and let the words spill from me without no fear. Yea its cool and I do thank Him for believing in me.
I will be pounding away today on the housing issue with over a dozen calls to make today and a ton of prayers supporting me. Life hasn't gotten any easier, it just became more loving, with better choices.
So as I walk through this day I look back on Friday and all of the days since the change in my life and I'm going to "Shine", just as the song from NewsBoys. I want everyone to wonder why I can still smile and I'm prepared to let them know if they so ask.
Well the weather hasn't improved, it's still hard to see anything here in the valley due to the inversion and pollution. It really reminds me of what is going on in my life, all of the fog making hard to see the clear path. But today I walk with Jesus and feel His presence even when things look like they're not improving. Even during this tough time I still can smile, but only when I put the word to my lips and just savor the life that will be after the short stay here on earth.
I'm headed out to do some more apartment hunting, it has been a real tough time. I have an address that is associated with the homeless and many landlords just look at me in dismay and state that they are either full or I can put in an application and see what happens. Well, many of these applications are most likely, thrown in the old file 13.
I have a lot of work to get done today so off I go while I whistle "I Can Only Imagine" sung by MercyMe.
Its been a tough week and everything doesn't seem to be getting any better. My basket of problems only seems to be getting bigger since trying to leave the streets. On Monday evening I had another seizure, putting me in the hospital for a one night stand. I then missed the appointment for a chance at an apartment the next morning and it was rented out. Topping out the basket is the cold and dreary weather here lately.
Since starting this journey I've enjoyed some really high moments and things seemed to be getting better, but today it is taking many sharp drops and corners that has been really putting the pain in me and my body.
I had a chance to talk with a few who have been guiding me onto the right path and was somewhat bewilder by the things I seen. One person was thinking about wanting to make more money and jump ship from a job that supports him well and he enjoys. Another seemed concerned about the money they were spending on an adoption process, and still another (me) was only thinking about the money period.
What is up with everyone and money?
Since I've been sick and trying to work my new job I only have seemed to go backwards. The money I do make barely covers for the food and some of the medical supplies and I don't even have rent or utilities to pay. I have really started to look back and believe that before this all started I may have been better off.
You may ask yourself, "Is he going to give up?", and I will answer, "NO WAY!"
You see I prayed for those today that I had talked with and hoped they may find other things to think about other than trying to make that pile of money bigger for retirement. I also prayed that all of the small aches and pains I may be suffering may end soon and that I'll be in a warm place to stay soon.
I must admit it has been tough and tonight many questions arose, but I will continue to struggle on.
I've been normally working late at night so I could stay inside the library to keep warm and more comfortable, but tonight I chose to get back to working on my new life with Jesus. Tonight I'm taking that walk with Jesus and trying to imagine Him setting and walking right next to me.
Yea, I'm a little upset about the roller coaster ride but I'm estatic about what it will produce in the long run.
I got to stay inside for the last couple of nights, but not due to my choice. On Tuesday I was feeling very disoriented while trudging down the hill. I believed I needed to eat so I stopped at the Heritage Center dorms for a bite at the cafeteria. I didn't make it up the stairs in fact I don't even remember going into the building. I understand after talking to some of the kids today that many had thought I was drunk. Man I haven't had a drink in over 2 months. I went down clobbering my head on the steps and smacking my right shoulder hard. They called an ambulance to haul me the 2 block distance to the hospital. I spent most of the day trying to figure out what was going on and they kept me under surveillance, especially after they found no alcohol or illegal substances in my system. They ran tests Wednesday and have found out that I have diabetes. What a shocker it doesn't even run in my family.
I was very fortunate that the fall didn't do worse damage than just the bruised ego and a real sore shoulder, not to mention the headache for 2 days. The new issue of having to deal with diabetes is a real tough slap for me. I surely wasn't expecting this and really don't want to deal with it.
I was told that the depression and dizzy spells I had been experiencing were symptoms that I should have been more alarmed about. I just felt they were due to my poor eating habits and not sleeping in the best conditions.
Now my biggest problems is finding out if I still have a job. During all of the happenings my small pack with all of the important papers, wallet, day planner, phone and other items was misplaced and it took me the whole day today to find out the police had them. They were the first I contacted after finding out the hospital or cafeteria didn't have them, but I was told the they were not in possession of them either. Well, at about 4pm they called and said they had located them and I could come and pick it up. Now throughout all this time I had no number to call my employer , but have since left messages for him. Man I pray that I don't lose one on the things that is actually going right at this time in my life.
How is this effecting my life with God?
Well I must admit it really has put a hurt on me. I just can't understand why He has been testing me so much and mentally it has been taking a toll. Tonight my thoughts wander and I feel as though I'm taking huge leaps backwards instead of going forward like I thought I was.
My housing still remains the same and no messages concerning it were left during the time away from the phone, in fact only my employer was the single message. A couple of times in the past I was offered housing after asking but after doing the footwork it never materialized. This time I didn't ask for the offer but I feel once again that its going down the tube. How can many of us keep up the hope after past experiences like these?
As I pull out the Bible tonight I'm not sure where to go and find the words that He wants to convey to me. I know that He is sending me a message but What? Where? and How? I went on a search for music video from Steele Croswhite who has been instrumental in bringing me to Christian music. Steele is a a leader at The Rock Church who meets every Saturday night in the same building as K2 The Church and his music has always touched me. After finding the video "Matchless" it brought me to Psalms and I read a few chapters but Psalm 146 touched me the most at a time in need.
Psalm 146: 5-10 "5: But joyful are those who have the God of Israel as their helper, whose hope is in the Lord their God. 6: He made heaven and earth, the sea and everything in them. He keeps every promise forever. 7: He gives justice to the oppressed and food to the hungry. The Lord frees the prisoners. 8: The Lord opens the eyes of the blind. The Lord lifts up those who are weighed down. The Lord loves the godly. 9: The Lord protects the foreigners among us. He cares for the orphans and widows, but he frustrates the plans of the wicked. 10: The Lord will reign forever. He will be your God, O Jerusalem throughout the generations. Praise the Lord!"
Once again I thank you Lord for bringing me back into the light and even during these trying times I can't allow that evil demon to infiltrate my thinking and that you are the Greatest! If it wasn't for your grace Lord only you would have known where I'd be at this time. You see I've been that prisoner, the hungry, oppressed and trying to lug the huge mountain on my shoulders all alone and now I no longer need to carry these burdens alone. It may be a tough night tonight but tomorrow I'll begin with the ever important prayer and then start dialing the brothers and sisters I've come to know through you to help me find the answers to the questions I have.
Tonight I'm thankful for this blog, because writing here helps me to understand where I'm at with God. And tonight it took me to the right pages in the Bible.
Does this mean all is well tonight? No, but I do feel more comfortable knowing that He hasn't forgotten me, and I haven't Him.
Miracles happened through Jesus on the Sabbath and continues to do so. Today at K2 The Church, while everyone was singing, a message was given to me from our Almighty Lord. You see, during the past week I have been somewhat trouble about what has be going on in my life and today He told me that I'm going through some pain of being torn down so I may be rebuilt for the purpose He has brought me here on earth for. As I shared this with other members from the church, I also learned that even after spiritual growth this still occurs, which is all new to me.
This,I feel, is a blessing to see that even when I thought I wasn't maturing any, that God was actually still working on me. He hadn't just taken a few days off, but was trying to tear away the corrupt way of my past life to make way for this new journey. The pain I felt in the past few days is something that I would have normally masked through the use of alcohol, but not so today, thanks to Him.
The message He sent me today was not the only thing that happened today. My new work will require me to get a computer, which I've been praying for. I spoke to Pastor Andy before the services and was informed he was already working on it. Between the 9am service and 10:45 service I was talking to a person I met during Christmas dinner and mentioned that I was praying for and looking for a computer. Kevin then stated he had just bought a new PC and that I was welcome to have his older one. Wow, another prayer answered and I hadn't even made it out of the church yet.
Today's message at church was "iWant", part 2 of the iLife series, and it dealt with how we all want stuff out of life, rather than giving back to life. The ideal of wanting actually makes us feel more independent when we get it, but giving makes us more like God. We all want to make an investment for our future, when giving is actually an investment for our future through eternity. Many of us want that treasure at the end of the rainbow, but our treasure is actually where our heart is.
Where is your heart today?
Our nation is rich and many through money, some of the less fortunate are very rich also, through their heart. No matter which we are, we can all be blessed by the greatest of all treasures through giving and sharing with others. (1 Timothy 6:17-19)
Something interesting I learned today: $8 will buy 2 cups of coffee here in the US and in the Honduras it will buy 25 fruit trees.
$73 will buy 6 CD's in the US and in Uganda it will pay for a mobile AIDS clinic.
We are truly blessed here in the US but yet many still want more and have forgotten that it is by giving that we acquire more love from God and the true treasure of eternity.
Today when I awoke it was -2 degrees where I'm camping, but yet I was warm due to the fact of the warm sleeping bag I was blessed with over the holidays. I hope to be off the streets in a few days and pray that last night will be the last cold, frigid night I spend on the hillside. In return I also pray that all through out the world, those who are in similar circumstances find warm clothing, food, sleeping items and or housing along with the warmth of God.
Turning my life over was the greatest thing I've ever done. It's not been easy and the "stuff" not many, but the treasures I've received is just awesome and I feel truly rich in spirit, warm at heart and loved by our Lord.
I've really been blessed and thankful that He has taken me back and the song "Take You Back" from Jeremy Camp fills the words in for what has went on in my life and what is going on now.
Things are starting to level out now, with my housing starting to take place by the first of next week, my day planner back in my possession, and a new job to start possibly tomorrow. Whew, there for a while I was beginning to think that it wasn't going to level out and I was to just keep plummeting into depths unknown. Now its time for me to put more action into my vision of helping others become happy through Jesus.
The new employment opportunity will give me a chance to work at something I enjoy and that is working on the Internet. I'll be researching and placing items on eBay for a local business. Yea, I love the challenge. Just as the Teacher, King David's son stated in Ecclesiastes 3:22 "So I saw that there is nothing better for people than to be happy in their work. That is why we are here! No one will bring us back from death to enjoy life after we die."
The past couple of weeks were tough on me but I believe He now sees that I'm not going to give up and that I truly trust Him with all of my life. It is just so neat to be able to have freedom from the past, freedom to live on in a better life and freedom to reflect His glory. I realize that I'm starting to mature some and that with it comes growing pains that I need to learn how to live with. Even through the tough times the light has become brighter and the journey more enjoyable.
Before I always had an out when things were tough by hiding in the bottles of alcohol, but today I must face these fears, faults, and failures, but I can do so knowing that He is there to show support and strength. So many of us in this world have been on the quick fix method, with instant gratification. God was patient with me, now I need to be patient with Him and learn how to become the servant leader he would love to see. I really yearn to make Him proud.
PBPGINFWMY "Please Be Patient, God Is Not Finished With Me Yet." is from The Purpose Driven Life that actually was on a button that people wore in the past.
Chris Tomlin's song "Wonderful Maker" puts the words right for me today.
Well its been a real testing 2 weeks with not much to really get to excited about. Today in fact was a day of real questioning of where I'm going and why. On Tuesday I attended a prayer meeting at K2 The Church and after talking with others and asking for prayer for my housing many offered places for employment. Yea, I thought the stalemate was over and that my progression was going to start back-up. I called one job possibility and was told that he would call back with a time for my training to start. I had also found out that Pastor Andy was at a retreat and would return later that day. I had decided to try and get into housing at the dorms that are available and was hoping that this could be possible before this new cold spell hit. Well, I'm still awaiting call backs after leaving several messages and emails with Andy and the leads on employment seems to going nowhere at this time. I still haven't been able to get an ID or social security card either.
I keep blaming myself for the lack of any real advancement of my current life and begin to wonder if the my past is actually effecting what is going on today in my life. You see its been hard for me to forgive myself of the past and I know that this is a burden on me and is hurting and insulting Jesus. So today I was in a real down mood trying to concentrate was extermely hard for me because I kept asking Jesus what I needed to do and why this was happening. My stomach has just been churning to pieces and now my worrying has grown to its max. I want to succeed so much for Jesus but I'm just feeling like I'm letting Him down.
Wow a phone call.....Good news my day planner has been found, but without the money. Someone had left it at a business entrance sometime last week and they just contacted me. This is one step back into the light. I'll now be able to get my mail tomorrow and work on trying to find employment once again. YIPPEEE, this could not have happened at a better time. Whew, it sure takes a load off of my mind and I'll never second guess Him again.
I guess I can still blame myself for what is going on, because of the isolation that I've been partaking in. Now is the time for friends and I just haven't let them in on what is going on. With this new glimmer of hope tonight I've been able to start thinking constructively and pray that it will continue, I do truely wish to become a servant leader. I want to help others to know God and to show them that there is hope in this life and that once you allow Jesus into your life things do become better.
God has believed in me and He never stopped loving me during my past and now I just can't give up on Him even during this trying time. I must admit I sure had some trying times and the old thoughts of destroying this life was real close but each time I was met with this voice who kept me on the right path and at a moment not to soon. So Lord I thank you for this chance and for not giving up on me. Yea this will and is a great journey and wouldn't be possible without YOU.
If you visit here much you know that music is important to me and I try to share something new each day, well today I'm sharing Rebecca St. James and her song "I Thank You". Each day that I thank Him for this life, it only brings me one step closer to feeling the greatest love you can ever find.
"God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can't take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." Ephesians 2:8-10 (NLT)
I got back in town last night from my trip to Saint George, Utah and was really wore out. The business conference I attended was a real barn burner and has gotten my hopes up that a purpose in my life is now being developed. There was over 1500 people that attended and most were believers in Christ. The business deals with the largest online shopping site and how to become a part of it and most talked how God and is playing the major role in their new business development. On Sunday they even had a service before the leadership meeting where more than 25 people step forward and accepted Jesus Christ as their Savior. This brought tears to my eyes as I watched these souls being renewed. I feel that this new opportunity will enable me to help others find God and to strengthen my trust and belief in Him while developing my purpose and character.
God is still really testing me, I haven't received my day planner and contents from whoever found it and still pray that they'll do the right thing. My greatest loss was a photo my grandparents had sent for Christmas, because it was the only one I've had for over 3 years and I enjoyed opening the day planner just to remember them. Oh yea, the money, well that can be replace along with my ID, social security card and other important papers.
Today I found myself trying to get into an apartment. I have found a dorm style room just accross the street from the university, that would really fit my current needs for 6-12 months. I have tried to contact Pastor Andy but still haven't heard back from him. I know he just returned from a vacation and I'm sure I'll hear something soon.
The rest of the day was one test after another. I tried to get into my PayPal account but I'm being rejected and after contacting the main office they were still unable to allow me access. I changed my password recently and its not working, then when I tried to use the ID verification form it rejected my info. Customer support now is requiring me to fax something that has my current address on it. Well, I can't get my mail without an ID at either of the places I use for an address. I went to get an ID and they also are requiring me to bring in something recently mailed to me. I've explained my homelessness to both PayPal and the Utah drivers license division but have been left out in the cold. I've also been contacted about new jobs, but again I'm unable to get a job without ID and a social security card. Oh and the final object to be turned upside down was my camp. Some person came in and went through all of my belongings leaving most of it lay out in the elements during our last snow storm to get soaked. I'm not sure if my new warm sleeping bag will dry out by tonight but I do have a light summer one (I took with me this weekend) that I'll try to get by with. I guess the old saying, "When it rains it pours", holds true for my current situation.
Does this mean I'm going to abandon the ship?
NO WAY!!!!!!!!
I still am praying and staying in God's word. I know this is all happening because He wants to test my faith and trust in Him. Yea, it can be real hard at times, especially today as my stomach has been tied in knots all day along with disorientation and confusion.
A little music from Steven Curtis Chapman, "God is God", reminds me that I'll never fully understand all that He does and why He does it, but if I just remain steadfast in trust and faith for Him, that my life will be okay.
Well here we are in another new year with new beginning. Many throughout the world made resolutions, promises, and set goals for new expectations. Most people feel that this is the only time that we all can start over fresh but in Lamentations 3:23 it states "Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning." (NLT) So each morning I awake it is a new beginning. Through the blood of Jesus I have been forgiven for my sins on yesterday and today I can start a new slate.
Wow is that neat or what?
Did I set any goals for 2007?
Not really, my main thought is to continue growing in the Word and Work for our Lord. By doing this it has actually already started to open many doors and make me feel better about myself, but I must admit it also has brought along fear.
My fear is from past experiences of failing to follow through with promises and commitments. With the opportunity of housing, the fear of not meeting what I feel others are expecting of me arise. These fears are from my past life and they tend to try and work their way into my new life. Praying and talking with others is helping to strengthen my hopes and to avoid the fears, but I do believe that we all have fears, and through others and the power of Christ we can overcome these fears.
Many of my fears are from my old selfish, independent and self seeking ways. I do understand that I've been forgiven for the things I've done, but it is hard for me to forgive myself for many of these acts. Does this mean I'm giving up on this new journey? NO WAY!!! This new life is the best I've felt ever, and I will continue on working on it. Man, Jesus is great and my love for Him only continues to grow even more each day on my journey. No one said it was that this was going to be easy and the only expectations I have is that God will see the faith and trust I have in Him and that I'm working hard at becoming more Christ like. No, I can't become Jesus, but I can model my life more in the likeness of Him and each day I'm working on this. Through my faith and trust in Jesus we all can overcome the fear factor.
I finished my job directing traffic at the mall for the holidays yesterday after working nearly 60 hours last week and pulling a double shift yesterday. I will continue on with the temp agency with other part-time employment while looking for full time employment and arranging my new housing opportunity.
I would like to take this opportunity to thank all of those who have been praying for my life and needs, for the Christmas and holiday greetings, and just for caring and trusting me during the past year. This new life and journey is only beginning and without friends such as yourselves it would be empty.
Today I leave you with Audio Adrenaline's song "Ocean Floor". It best describes what I've actually been feeling and it eases my mind knowing that my sins are on the ocean floor.
This past weekend was filled with love, joy, friendship, and miracles. My new found love for Jesus has given me a new birth in life filled with love and hope.
On Sunday I volunteered to serve at K2 The Church where I was able to meet many of the brothers and sisters who attend there regularly. K2 offered 4 services throughout the day and I was privileged to serve at all 4 services, greeting those that attended the services. The message for the day was "All I Want For Christmas Is... A Miracle", and each time I listened, I was able to gain more and more love for God. Having the opportunity for new life with God has opened many doors for me in the past month and all of them have been filled with love and care.
During 2 of the services I took a seat in the lounge area that contains a pool table, climbing wall, foose ball, and a coffee bar. I sat in one of the comfortable lounge chairs to watch the service on one of the many TV screens available. While watching the services 2 gentleman also took advantage of the relaxing chairs and the conversations began. I was blessed by the Lord with love and understanding from Norm and Bill along with some guidance on this new journey that I have begun. It was awesome how the Lord was working on that day and I was truly seeing miracles happen.
I had no plans for Christmas when, Andy, a pastor and spiritual leader for K2, ask me if I would like to join his family along with others who attend K2 for Christmas dinner, which I accepted. Andy picked me up on Christmas afternoon and off we went to the home of Brian and Mary where we joined their family and friends for a great celebration of Jesus' birthday. Yep, we even had a birthday party for Jesus, that included a cake inscribed with "Happy Birthday Jesus".
In my former years of Christmas, I always found myself being reserved and not partaking much with guests, but on this day I found myself feeling so loved and accepted that mingling and conversing was very easy, just as everyday is now since turning my life over to the Lord. You see, I don't need to lie or deceive others into being accepted and love, because I know that God and his family all love me. This is something that I really never experienced in the past, and man, it is just awesome.
Being reborn has brought many miracles during the past month and a half and this weekend was not to be without. The biggest miracle for me was LOVE.I had many people during the weekend just walk up and give me a hug and tell me that they loved me, and these were from people I've never met before. To me this was God showing me how much he loves and cares for each and everyone of his children. Another miracle that is still in the process is the offering of an apartment. Tomorrow I will start my search for a new warm place to rest my head which has been offered to me by some of my new family. I was so grateful for this offer that throughout the night I found myself waking and thanking our Lord for this opportunity.
I'm headed off to work now with one of the largest smiles and warmest feelings about my new journey which is all possible because of the birth of Jesus Christ, who's birthday party I attended yesterday.
I had my meeting with Andy and all went well, in fact I now have a new bible with a leather cover and zipper that I can carry in a pack without tearing it apart. Andy also gave me a new book to read, "Wild At Heart" by John Eldredge. It was great just to be able to talk with Andy truthfully about my life and where I'm at. He'll be praying during the coming week on who will be the best fit to disciple me in the Lord's ways.
During my days of working at a mall I've witnessed many who I do not believe know what the true meaning of Christmas is. Most people I see running around and trying to find the right gift, the most expensive gift, the biggest gift, the best gift. I see people with short tempers, unhappy, and feeling totally pressured by their idea what Christmas is about. Well I feel they are missing out on the understanding and purpose of Christmas.
Would it really hurt just to slow down a little bit and actually remember what Christmas is about?
For me Christmas is to celebrate the birth of Christ, the one who done as his Father ask. The one who sacrificed his life for us all and its through Christ's blood that those of us who believe will have eternal life. It's about peace and joy, fellowship and purpose, and of course the biggest, love, trust and faith for someone who gave his all for you and I. It is a day to thank Jesus for all He has done for me and others around me.
Sometimes I would just love to stop everyone and ask what they feel the true meaning of Christmas is. Of course many wouldn't stop because they feel they have no time. I do pray that those who do not understand Christmas' purpose, become acquainted with the person who's birth we are celebrating.
If you are thinking of donating items for those who are homeless I have a few suggestions:
Socks: Everyone of us enjoys being able to put on new socks Knit Hats: Nothing like being able to keep the old noggin warm Warm Gloves: Many of us tend to loose or misplace gloves during are shuttles throughout the day Razors: Here in Salt Lake they can become a highly sought commodity for us P38: For those of you that don't know, it's a army can opener you can carry in your pocket Underarm deodorant: the stick kind preferably Thermals: A must and great for the cold weather states
If you want to give something special, throw in some instant coffee bags or a couple of candy bars. Whatever you do give, you can be assured that all of us who are homeless are grateful for you help.
I most likely will be unable to post anymore until after Christmas, so I would like to wish each and everyone of you a very Merry Christmas and I thank you for your prayers, trust, and faith in me. This may be another homeless Christmas for me, but it also is a special one, because I know in my heart what Christmas truly is all about.
I've come down with the gumbo once again but I've the Lord to comfort me. Throughout my life I was the walking lost but today I've seeked out the one who will continue to lead me into the light. Yep 40 plus years of not feeling like I belonged, but today I have purpose, love, and all of the treasures one could wish for. Today I'll give you a bit of my past.
I was born in Indiana where at the age of 4 was left by my mother at my grandparents and she never returned taking a brother 1 year younger with her. My father, well, he was traveling the rodeo circuit and was only there for my birthday and Christmas. The grandparents worked a dairy farm and raised me the best they knew how but I was lost at an early age trying to figure out where I belonged. The drugs and alcohol started at an early age of 14 years old and continued on until just 3 months ago. I found myself unable to hold jobs or stay in one spot for any length of time. I moved to Utah at the age of 17 after graduating HS, to snow ski and have always considered this to be home.
At the age of 21 I returned to Michigan to try and live there and found myself in a hospital not being able to cope with life. I talked with my family and stated I wanted to see my brother and mom, a meeting was setup. My mom came to the hospital where I told her that I wanted to see Greg. Well she told me he knew nothing of me and she was not going to tell him. Well, I became angry and walked out never to talk with her again.
The next 20 years found me back in Utah and I spent a couple of years working out of Seattle on a fishing boat that fished the Bering Sea. Of course alcohol once again destroyed this opportunity and I came back to Utah. In 2000 I quit my drugging but kept of drinking and not able to hold on to a job. In 2003 I found myself on the streets and just not caring to live anymore. I've had my ups and downs out here during the last 3 years but started to get familiar with God during this time. I knew there was something missing in my life but not able to cope with it. During this time I did forgive my mom for leaving me. My brother has since contacted our dad after finding out about us while trying to get an passport. I still haven't talked with him but feel that it will soon be time.
Well on November 11th my whole life started to change. While I was at my hillside camp, I told God that He could have all of me and that I was tired of trying to do things my way. Since this time I feel like I belong, that I'm not just wandering around aimlessly. Oh, I'm still homeless but I'm now a person with love and feel loved. All of this has been made possible by loving God. I'm thankful that for the sacrafice of Jesus so that I can become clean and will live on in eternity. I may be homeless today but I do have a permanent home that is always there.
With my family being split apart I recently have begun to hope that we all can be reunited just for one day. I haven't been home to see my grandparents or family for over 6 years and will be trying to get there sometime next month. You see, my grandparents are 89 and 91 years old and each time I call (weekly), I can hear it in their voice that they miss me and want to see me. They keep reminding me they're getting old. My granny can't hear well so when we talk she does the talking then sobbing gives the phone to grandfather saying she is unable to hear me. I also want to share my love for God and to ask them to allow Him into there life so that they also may have eternal life. I'm going to call up Greg, my brother next week, hopefully we can get together when I go back to visit the family. And I actually would like to see my mom sometime also just to tell her that I forgive her and so does God.
Well that's where things stand now. I'm no longer lost. I have a new path and direction and through Jesus this has all been made possible. Through seeking out God, I've a new life, love, hope, family and smiles. My best friend, He is always there when I call up, never to busy to comfort me, doesn't have to look at His schedule to set an appointment, is willing to trust me and love me know matter what I've done in the past. Its GREAT!!!!
Lord Forgive Me When I Whine
Today, upon a bus, I saw a lovely girl with golden hair, I envied her...she seemed so gay..and wished I were as fair. When suddenly she rose to leave, I saw her hobble down the aisle; She had one leg and wore a crutch, but as she passed...a smile! Oh, God forgive me when I whine, I have two legs. The world is mine.
I stopped to buy some candy. The lad who sold it had such charm. I talked with him. He seemed so glad. If I were late t'would do no harm. And as I left he said "I thank you . You have been so kind It's nice to talk with folks like you. "You see" he said "I'm blind." Oh, God forgive me when I whine , I have two eyes. The world is mine.
Later while walking down the street, I saw a child with eyes of blue. He stood and watched the others play. He did not know what to do. I stopped a moment and said "Why don't you join the others, dear?" He looked ahead without a word, and then I knew he could not hear. Oh, God forgive me when I whine. I have two ears. The world is mine.
With feet to take me where I'd go, with eyes to see the sunset glow, with ears to hear what I would know...Oh, God forgive me when I whine, I'm blessed indeed, the world is mine.
Author Unknown
Today is National Homeless Memorial Day, a day to pay our respects to the homeless who died during the past year. I'll try to post more about the last few days in The Purpose Driven Life sometime tomorrow.
Today I've a song from Casting Crowns that says it all for me.
Formally homeless (2/13/07) in Salt Lake City, Utah and working to put my life on the path of God and the road to alcoholism recovery. Current mission is taking God's work to the streets for the homeless and needy. Working on a new non-profit to begin the spring of 2009. Watch here for further details.
It has been a couple weeks of NCAA basketball and everyone was yelling, clapping, raising there arms with great joy. Well, I was doing this, and our team kept on getting stronger. Every time we hit the floor, the opponent took off running for the door. Oh by the way, that photo is of Steele Croswhite, a real huge fan of the team.
Huge Detroit Tiger Fan letting everyone know who the real coach is. (Dave, K2 pastor)
