Feelings Of Self And God

Still having problems accepting that my life belongs to God. I battle each and every day with feelings of despair with my self and confusion towards God. I'm still in the "I" moment and know that it continues to drag me down emotionally and spiritually. I continue to put up great goals and hope but fail to turn these totally over to God. All of this only puts me in a depressed state.
I've noticed signs from Him, but I continue to ignore them,each time it only causes me greater loss of hope in myself. If only I could totally give myself fully to Him.

Today I'm battling the depression of losing my backpack and finding out that a place I still hang out (bar) has double charged me on my debt card. Both of these could have been adverted had I just listened to what the voice was telling me. It now may put my recent business ventures in jeopardy, all because I didn't have the strength to do the right thing.

I've been fortunate to be blessed with a family who truely cares and is currently providing a roof, love, and food, while I'm trying to stumble through this time of confusion and loss of faith.

I recently had a talk with one of the pastors at K2 The Church and he I both agree that I binge, not only with my drinking but also with God. This is something that I'm trying to watch and control. I don't want to go all out with God and this is what I'm struggling with, how do I take and give in moderation?

Getting Back

The battle of leaving my life in the hands of the Lord has been difficult. But the way I've headed it is time to get down to business. My health is doing good but I'm really missing something and I'm sure it is Him who has been knocking on my heart lately. Just coming back here to the blog and see what he had done for me before and listening to the songs has struck me. I'm going to try and wake up each day with Him on my mind the first thing.

Thanks for all of the prayers and I look forward to coming back here more often to let you know how we (God and I) are doing.

A Grateful Day

Not much to really write about today, I'm just grateful for another day and it brings a song to mind from Paul Cardall. The singer in this song is a friend from Salt Lake City a place I certainly miss at this time.

Walking Back Into The Light

It has been sometime since a post and many pains in my life. I went from going down His path to questioning why I was even doing it.

The past few months saw me fighting a disease called cancer. I had a brain tumor removed 3 months ago and went through the awful chemo treatments. Now my body is starting to recover and return to being somewhat normal. Throughout all of this it brought me to question where He was, is, and why He wasn't doing anything to get me through it.

Well it just made me tougher and more understanding. Yea, He had a plan for this sickness and now I'm starting to see the light once again. It is taking some time to get back into the swing of doing it His way rather than mine, but it sure feels better to know that someone else is taking care of me. He knows that I sure can mess it up when I become stubborn and want to do it my way.

I'll be here in Michigan for another couple of months going through PT and hope to be back in Utah by the end of May. I sure really miss the mountains. I've begun to work on a new service project that will be designed to help the less fortunate in Utah, Helping Soles. Keep and eye on the site and here for further updates and please if you have any input let me know.

If you've never been here before I want to let you know I love my music and try to give you a new video or music link each posting. Today I have a great little site that has some of the fastest upcoming Christian artists available, IndieHeaven.com.

Been a Long Time, Long Time!!

Still hangin in there and trying stay with it. Its been really tough trying to stay healthy physically and spiritually. I've been back on the hill for awhile and still trying to keep my health problems in control. The bills were only just mounting up and my mental state was taking a huge dip. I've still hung in there with Our Father but it has been tough to. There are days I just want to give it all up (more like hours).

I'm working with a friend from K2 The Church doing eBay listings and just opened up my own eBay store, iAuction Depot, this week. Not much for sales yet, but I will continue to Pray that this will be what God wishes me to do. The work brings me joy while also trying my patience.

Tonight Romans 12:2 is working on me and I really need to bring it closer to me. Just not conforming to what is going on in this world is really tough, but hey living outside, I guess, is not conforming. Right?

Hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving and see you soon.

Tree63 Finally

During my many searches for new christian music to replace my old music I started to listen and respect Tree63 and on Sept 8th they will make an appearance here in Salt Lake. It has been a long time for a concert and I look forward to attending this one. I've even invited some of my old concert friends to attend this new way of music for me and hope it will elevate them into bringing God closer to them.

"Look What You've Done For Me"

Struggles Continue But God Smoothes It Out

Yea, the struggles continue and no one said it would be a bowl of cherries. The ups and downs of the depression can some time really take a toll on ones soul, heart, thinking, mental and physical capabilities. But yet I still haven't walked away from our Lord. Yea, I've had my doubts and feeling misled, but these were not from Him but only that ugly demon who continues to try us all at sometime or another.

The work with Frank and his eBay company has been great and I still continue on with it. He and his family have been very loving, caring and understanding individuals and I truly love them for this. This has been my longest job in over 5 years now and it is just awesome.

I will still try once again to keep this blog updated more along with my learning of our great LORD.

My video today is not music but one from K2 The Church and Andy Marshall who has really helped show me the right path and this video hits exactly what is going through my head. WORRY!